Oh Yeah? Well HE Started It!

EDIT:  I felt I should add this as a preface after the fact. If you are an Angel fan and reading this, good day. I assume you are here due to the good reverend linking from HH. Indeed, this is a Detroit Tigers blog. It's not a serious one, as I think you should know that. 90% of the time here is spent making doodie jokes about Tiger players. And sometimes I try to have fun at the expense of others attacking my favorite baseball team. That's all this is. If you take this too seriously, you have missed the point.You have a beautiful ballpark and I always liked Tim Salmon and Mark Langston.

My thanks to the Rev for clarifying many of his earlier comments on here in my comments section. I only wish he would have done so in his original post at HH. Sorry I called your mom a mean name. You're still an idiot, though. Have a nice day.


Today’s epic encounter of the Tigers and Angels featuring Cy Young candidates Justin Verlander and Jered Weaver was billed as must-see-tv. And it was, but not just for the pitching encounter.

JV took at no-hitter into the eighth inning today showing again why he is probably the best pitcher in baseball. Verlander is a cyborg.

Weaver pitched well, too, but showed that he’s capable of losing his cool quite easily when things don’t go his way on the field. He took exception to Magglio Ordonez watching his two-run homer, when in reality, Maggs was making sure it wasn’t going foul. He responded by cursing at Magglio and Miguel Cabrera who followed him in the order. Carlos Guillen took note of Weaver’s immature behavior and responded by striking a dramatic pose of his own after taking Jered deep in the 7th.

The umpires wisely issued warnings after that. Weaver, instead of keeping his cool in a close game, decided to ignore the warning and throw at Alex Avila’s head on the next pitch. He was promptly ejected and we probably would have had a brawl if JV didn’t have a no-hitter going.

Erick Aybar led off the next inning by trying to bunt his way on in the 8th inning of a no-hitter, one of those unwritten rules of baseball. After that, all unwritten rules were out the window.

The Tigers ended up winning, 3-2. Yay. But the classless nonsense wasn’t over yet. Check out the game recap at Halos Heaven, the Angels’ version of Bless You Boys, if you didn’t know. While BYB always remains a classy, well-written blog on the Tigers, judging by this piece, the same rules do not apply at HH. Even Bleacher Report wouldn’t publish this nonsense.

Please take the time to read that, if you don’t mind. Don’t worry, it’s a quick read. Form your own opinion. And then follow me after the jump. Because while my friends at BYB are a professional, classy bunch (when not discussing Scott Sizemore), I am not.

I am far from it.



Before we begin, I should point out that the writer at HH is named Rev Halofan. So, Rev Halofan, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME, I would like to preface this by saying your mother is a smelly cunt.

Much like Weaver today, you started it.

Pitcher Jered Weaver lit a fire under his lethargic teammates with a display of emotion at being shown up by has-been Carlos Guillen riding a lucky jetstream of a flyball.

Indeed. Carlos Guillen has seen better days. More the reason why Cy Young candidate Jered Weaver shouldn’t be getting rocked by such an AWFUL hitter. If only the Tigers would have sent up a player more in his prime…like Torii Hunter or Vernon Wells.

The irony is that Guillen could have displayed an iota of class and dropped his head and just scored what would prove to be the game-winner.

Sure. When a cocky, long-haired, homeless surfer looking pitcher like Weaver is dropping more f-bombs on my teammates and countrymen than Andrew Dice Clay stubbing his toe on an end table, the normal reaction to hitting a key homer off of him would be to act like it didn’t happen. Gotcha.

But instead, it being his 2nd HR of the season as he battles back from having to look at himself in the mirror each morning,

Untrue! Guillen is not allowed to have mirrors in his home. He is liable to trip and fall into the glass, doing unknown amounts of damange to his fragile body. Carlos is a human Operation board game. It’s a miracle he’s even playing, more reason for a celebration after a homer.

Carlos Guillen held on to his lemon-scented bat

I don’t know what this means. I can only assume the Angel bats must smell like a rally monkey’s asshole.

and eyeballed Weaver in a one-upsmanship machismo call-out

To be serious for a moment, Carlos shouldn’t have done it. I get why he did it, but I personally disagreed with it. He should have been the better man, something that Weaver never will be. If you don’t believe me, check out the Cy Young voting at the end of the year.

(Unlike Weaver, Carlos Guillen is a sociopathic DUI contortionist, and his bloated frame makes everyone realize he is a staggering puffy boozing headcase with nothing to live for).

Obviously, Mr. Halofan has confused Carlos with Miguel Cabrera, who was arrested for a DUI in the offseason. An honest mistake, I guess. I mean, all THOSE PEOPLE look alike, don’t they? And hell, Cabrera’s only one of the two or three best players in baseball. I can see how a professional writer could make that mistake.

Oh, wait. No I can’t. You’re a piece of garbage who should have his reproductive organs removed for the safety of us all.

Well after being mocked by the scum of the earth,

DUI = scum of the earth. Seems fair. I mean rapists, child fuckers, murderers, and AJ Pierzynski all seem like better choices. Or maybe choose ex-Angels pitcher Donnie Moore, who shot his wife in front of their children before killing himself  in 1989. But I guess I’ll respect your opinion. You dumb shit.

the unredeemable alky gutterswine that is Carlos (hic) Guillen,

Wrong again. But yes, all those brown folks look alike. Keep going. Hic.

Were you drunk while writing this? It’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Jered threw high above the helmet of the next batter and was tossed from the game, raging against the dying of the light all the way to the showers.

He threw at Alex Avila’s head, you gash. He’s an immature fuck and deserves a suspension. If he had any balls, he would have sucked it up and shut up the Tigers with his pitching. You know, like a guy named Verlander did to the Angels.

And “raging against the dying of the light all the way to the showers”? That is about as well-written as the plot to a porno movie.

Tempers flared because Venezuelan socialist Magglio Ordonez
Oh, fuck. Here we go. Politics. Die, please. Die now. Die, die, die. This is baseball. Leave politics and religion out of it.

had decided to admire an earlier HR,

Which was going down the left field line and he was trying to see if it was fair. But whatever. Magglio Ordonez is a cocky punk kid known for showing people up.

Oh, wait. No he isn’t. He’s a respected veteran and one of the classiest people in the game. Unlike Jered Weaver who looks like a trailer park trash broad you might see on Cops.

hoping that the pellet shrinking into the distance will recur in the prostate of his beloved Hugo Chavez, dying in a Cuban cancer ward despite the millions Ordonez has showered on his regime.

Tell me. Where exactly does the Klan meet out in Los Angeles Anaheim? I’m just curious so I can loft some grenades at your next meeting.

Justin Verlander was cruising to a no-hitter with the Angels politely accommodating him. With Weaver's awakening the belly of the beast, Erick Aybar

Or was it Maicer Izturis…THOSE PEOPLE ALL LOOK ALIKE.

started a mini-rally with a bunt single ruled an error.

The play in question was an 8th inning bunt to Verlander. Bunting that late in a no-hitter is considered a no-no in baseball’s “unwritten rules”. Many are letting it slide since it was a close game and Aybar bunts frequently.
Personally, I thought it was a bush league attempt by Aybar. But Verlander fielded it in time and would have clearly thrown him out if his throw were on target. But like most Tiger pitchers, Verlander sucks on defense and the ball went toward right field. Calling it a “bunt single ruled an error” is yet another immature, bullshit move by Mr. Halofan.

No wonder he supports a whining bitch like Weaver.

He then scored from 3B on a fielder's choice when he evaded a tag near home plate by a shaken not stirred Verlander.

Oh, is Verlander the drunk now? The comedy and/or inaccuracy never ends.

Maicer Izturis then got a base hit that the official Comerika

Spell check is for Venezuelan socialist pussies.

scorekeeper just couldn't tuck into her teabag, making it a 3-2 game.

Sour grapes taste like shit, don’t they?

While Guillen's HR was the difference, his showboating strut cost his teammate a piece of history

Guillen didn’t get the hit off of Verlander. Izturis did. Are you confusing the Latin players on BOTH clubs now?

How did Guillen’s “showboating” cost Verlander anything? My head hurts.

and that will surely destroy the morale and chemistry in Jim Leyland's clubhouse.

Indeed. I can only assume that none of the Tigers are speaking to each other anymore. It seems logical that prevailing 3-2 over a pitcher like Weaver, having players cursed and thrown at, and tying their biggest lead in the AL Central this year will not bring them closer together at all.

You are a wise man, Mr. Halofan. SB Nation is lucky to have you. So are the Disney California Aneheim Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim readers.

Die in a grease fire, you ignorant fuck.