Scotty Size Matters

Well, finally, Your Party Host is back. It took a while, but I’m settled, moved in, and cable/internet access has been restored. We have a lot to cover over the next week or so to catch up, but I have to start here.

I’ve been begging for Scott Sizemore to be called up ever since the team stupidly gave the second base job to Will Rhymes out of spring training. BEGGING. It took them a month, but finally, they pulled the trigger. All Size did in his first game was basically beat the Yankees by himself. Rogo: 1, Everyone Else: 0. Ha.

Now, I haven’t been to the freep site in two weeks and within two minutes, I’m yelling at my computer again. It’s one of their famous horrible Reader Columns, and this one is whining about Rhymes being sent down for Sizemore. Here’s the link.

My reaction…after the jump.

Imagine for a moment that you are a big league baseball player.

Can it be Casey Daigle?!? If so, it goes like this.

Rogo Daigle: Hey baby.

Jennie Finch: Hello greatest husband ever. Will you urinate on me?

Rogo Daigle: Indeed. That’s how I roll. I am a big league baseball player, you know.

Jennie Finch: You’re the best!


Shut up. You all missed me.

After struggling early in the season you begin to turn it around. Your batting eye is improving and you’re getting on base regularly.

Well, we’re probably not talking about this season. Because it is still early on. There really isn’t no time to “turn it around” until late-May or June or so. But I’m sure that’s not going to stop you from making stupid points relying on small sample sizes.

That was the scenario for Will Rhymes, former second baseman for the Detroit Tigers. After nine games Rhymes was hitting .182 and his on-base average was a meager .271. Many thought the plug should be pulled and hot-hitting Scott Sizemore should be called up and reinstated as the second baseman.

/raises hand

Sizemore should have won it out of Spring Training. He is a much, much better player. He will be better than Rhymes in every statistic except probably fielding percentage and the underrated Scrappiness Index Factor (SIF). Anyone that wants the Tigers to win would want Sizemore as the second baseman over Rhymes.

The brain trust in Detroit did not make a move, thinking that the sample size was too small and Rhymes would soon begin to succeed.

And that is why they’re awful. They wait too long to make decisions due to the manager playing favorites. This move should have been made at least two weeks ago.  It's not the sample size that was too small, it was the fun-sized player and his teeny, tiny ability.

Magglio is obviously not ready and he has been put out there in the #3 spot for a month before common sense has finally won out and they’ll move him down. Jim Leyland’s thought process moves about as fast as a 100 yard dash between a tortoise and a three-toed sloth.

They were right.

No. They weren’t. Choke on a bag of cocks.

In his last 10 games Rhymes has hitting .267 and his on-base average was .366.

Holy shit! Did the all-star ballot voters get notified of this? .267? And in TEN games?  Wow.  Good gawd, those numbers are Renteria-ish!

Only four teammates have batting averages for the season higher than Rhymes’ recent .267 mark and only two, Miguel Cabrera and Brennan Boesch, have higher OBP for the season than his .366 stretch.

Yes. The Tigers offense has been woeful this year. Thanks for the reminder. But the old “everyone else sucks so why can’t Will?” defense doesn’t work, my friend.

Also the comparing Will's numbers over ten games versus the other Tigers over the entire season is just silly, ridicoulous, and downright absurd.

Does that mean Rhymes was hot and worth keeping?

No. If you consider .267 “hot”, you know about as much about baseball as I do about hamster porn. Sure, it sounds like something you might be into, but you just haven’t spent the right amount of time on the subject.

Consider his last four games. Rhymes was hitting .357 and his on-base was a stratospheric .471. When does anyone on a .357/.471 tear get turfed in normal times?

When it’s over a four game stretch. Consider that for the year, Rhymes has exactly ONE extra base hit in 81 plate appearances. His OPS+ is a ridiculously low 59. An average player’s is 100. Christ, Don F’n Kelly’s OPS+ is 73. That’s how bad Rhymes has been this year. He sucks.

Meanwhile, Sizemore, who went 3-4 with a double, run, and an RBI in his first game as a Tiger this year was tearing up AAA pitching to the tune of a .408 batting average, 7 doubles, 1 triple, 2 HR, and 15 RBI in 92 plate appearances with a MEGA-SUPER-DUPER-STRATOSPHERIC .495 OBP.

Explain to me again why Rhymes should keep the job? Oh yeah. He’s small and it’s fun to root for him. Go violate yourself with a broken Bud bottle.

Ah, but these are not normal times. Brandon Inge is stuck at a woeful .207,

Holy thunder, you’re defending Rhymes but not Inge? What has the world come to?

And by the way, how is Inge hitting .207 NOT normal times?

Austin Jackson is hitting worse at .188 and Magglio Ordoñez is hitting an almost imperceptible .151. The three of them have combined for an OBP of .247, barely half of Rhymes’ recent production.

Okay, line up a baseball expert like Buster Olney, a regular joe Tiger fan, and some schmuck off the street (preferably not the Eat ‘em Up Tigers Guy) and ask they who they would not want on their team between Rhymes, Inge, AJax, and Maggs. If any of them says AJax or Maggs, punch them in the cock until they pass out.

We know what to expect from Inge, for better or worse. He has 10 years of a track record and he’s following it. AJax plays defense in center field in Comerica Park better than anyone I’ve ever seen there. We can live with his April struggles a bit longer. And Magglio is coming off a rough injury and had an abbreviated spring. Plus, he has an amazing track record. Do NOT compare Tinkerbell to these men.

Did the Tigers consider sending Jackson to Toledo and giving some starts in centerfield to Casper Wells, who acquitted himself well in a cameo last year?

Why would they do that? Casper is already on the roster, you fuckwit. And he and Kelly have gotten time out there when they want to let Austin cool off. You’re grasping for straws that just aren't there.

If the argument for sending Rhymes down is that Scott Sizemore is hot, why not bring up Andy Dirks to spell Jackson, or better yet, put Ordoñez on the DL for 15 days and let Dirks play in right? Dirks, the Mud Hens’ centerfielder and leadoff hitter, has these numbers in his last 15 games: .421 batting average, .479 OBP, .789 slugging, four doubles, one triple, five home runs, 14 RBIs and only five strikeouts. Someone who doesn't strike out much — wouldn't that be a breath of fresh air?

Possibly. But this isn’t about them. This is about Rhymes being awful and the team finally letting the better man play second base.

Has anyone proposed giving Ryan Raburn or Ramon Santiago some time at third base? They can’t produce less than Inge has to this point.

Anyone that wants Ryan Raburn and his glove of stone playing third is a mental patient. Santiago and Inge will both give you a low average, but Inge will hit more homers and play better D. He also makes Jhonny Peralta look better at shortstop with his range.  When’s the last time Little Ramon saw any playing time at third? Quit ignoring the simple fact.

Sizemore > Rhymes.

Sometimes you are the hero and sometimes you are the goat. Will Rhymes is the scapegoat, not because he’s earned it but because Jackson, Ordoñez and Inge aren’t about to get benched or cut even though they have produced much less lately.

They are ALL goats right now other than Miguel Cabrera. You can’t replace them all. But you can replace the one that has an obvious upgrade waiting for his call up. And they did. Sizemore has outperformed Rhymes all through the minors and will do so in the majors, too.

At least Rhymes can travel to Toledo with the knowledge that, as predicted by the Tigers, he had turned things around before he was sent down.

.267 over 10 games. That’s what Rhymes is supposed to use as his moral victory? I hope he doesn’t hang himself.

If this is the end of his Tigers tenure his splits will show he hit .400 for May.

Yeah. He was 2 for 5. .400. Please piss on Ted Williams’ grave on your own time, son.

Perhaps this isn't goodbye. Maybe it’s see you later.

And THIS is go fuck yourself. 

Good to see the freep's still good for a laugh.  Well, I wasn't gone for THAT long, I guess.

Glad to be back, kids. I missed you.