Nicknames for the 2011 Detroit Tigers

It’s time to list this year’s team and my idiotic nicknames that I may use for each of them this season. I didn’t come up with all of them myself, obviously, and welcome you to add any that I may have missed. Some are inside jokes that only two people will probably get. But I’m silly like that.

Enjoy.



Pitchers

Al Alburquerque: Wrong Turn

Joaquin Benoit: The Phoenix, The Canadian Crippler

Phil Coke: Cokehead, Coke Zero

Charlie Furbush: Brazilian Wax, Sir Charles of Furbush, Musky, Das Wunderbush (PLEASELETHIMMAKETHETEAMSOMEHOWPLEASE)

Brad Penny: Smells Like Milano, New Bondo

Ryan Perry: Sleeves

Rick Porcello: Kid Rick, FredFred (Trademark-Samara)

Max Scherzer: Mad Max, Thunderdome, Left-Eye

Daniel Schlereth: Stink Jr.

Jacob Turner: Ike, The Chosen One

Jose Valverde: Papa Grande, Big Potato, Fatty

Justin Verlander: JV, Justin Credible, Justin Abortion (April only)

Robbie Weinhardt: Dr. Swineheart

Joel Zumaya: Zoom, Glass Joel, Mrs. Henning

Catchers

Alex Avila: Little Al, Captain Nepotism, Beardface (That’s Beard Fasay, Dammit!)

Patrick Leyland: We Really Wasted an 8th Round Pick on Jim’s Kid?

Victor Martinez: VMart

Max St. Pierre:  Crash Davis, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey, Pepe le Pew

Infield

Miguel Cabrera: Big Mig, Seňor Ding Dong, Spanish Mike, Tipsy McStagger, Surly Duff

Carlos Guillen: Carlito, Mr. Glass

Brandon Inge: Binge, Special Little Guy, Saint Brandon, “Oh Sh-t Brandon’s Up”

Jhonny Peralta: Lhong Jhon, JP

Will Rhymes: Tinkerbell, Scrappy Don’t, ‘Lil Will, Eckstein Jr, Oompa Loompa, Keebler Elf

Ramon Santiago: Little Ramon, Razor Ramon

Scott Sizemore: Sizematters, Scotty Size

Danny Worth: Worthless

Outfield

Brennan Boesch: Matt Joyce 2.0, Dubba B, Killer B

Austin Jackson: AJax, Action Jackson, Curtis Who?

Don Kelly: Bane of My Existence, I Hate Don Kelly

Magglio Ordonez: Maggs, Mr. Cosey

Ryan Raburn: Ryno, Stonehands

Clete Thomas: Cletus, Your Lord and Savior, Captain Redneck

Casper Wells: Pedophile Eyes, Ghost
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That’s all I’ve got right now. Is it friggin’ Opening Day yet? Sigh…