Your 2011 Bizarro Tigers Team?

So, I took a break from self-loathing and internet porn to screw around at for a while. It’s a really fun site to mess around on if you’re a baseball nerd like Your Party Host is. In fact, if you go to Clete Thomas’ page, you’ll see that it’s sponsored by DNR. That’s Jen Cosey from Old English D’s weak attempt at humor. She’s a gas, I tell you…

/rolls eyes

//shakes head

///listens to crickets chirp

Anyway, since I’m exhausted over the whole Cabrera-gate situation and was looking for something else to post, check this out.

How would you feel if your 2011 Detroit Tigers looked like this, assuming the players weren't old/dead/whatever?

C-Paul Lo Duca instead of VMart.
1B-Wally Berger instead of Big Mig.
2B-Todd Walker instead of Carlos.
3B-Steve Buechele instead of Inge.
SS-Mark Ellis instead of Peralta.
LF-Benny Agbayani instead of Raburn.
CF-Hank Steinbacher instead of AJax.
RF-Chuck Klein instead of Maggs.

SP-Ervin Santana instead of JV.
SP-Randy Wells instead of Mad Max.
SP-Joe Johnson instead of Porcello.
SP-Ted Davidson instead of Coke.
SP-Bronson Arroyo instead of Penny.
CP-Bobby Thigpen instead of Valverde.
RP-Juan Cruz instead of Benoit.
RP-Bill Kelso instead of Zoom.
RP-Bill Wakefield instead of Perry.

If you go there, they have something called Similarity Scores for players with at least 100 innings pitched or 500 at bats. They run a formula first devised by Bill James and come up with the guy in baseball history their stats are supposedly most similar to.

This list is who they have for each position for our guys.

I don’t know about you, but this makes me want to go out and just shoot myself.

F-ck you, Bill James.