Funnies and a grumble ......


A new wee baby cousin ......


Hi Folks,


The Lie-detecting Robot ......

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late."Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John."Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair...
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

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The Vet and the Pussy Cat ......

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight -- starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her “Pussycat.”

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, “OK, but don't forget to wash her. She stinks.” He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) who wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband “El Cheap-O,” and my husband calls the vet “El Charge-O.” They love to hate each other and constantly “snipe” at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building and next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in. Obviously he had seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, ”Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!”

Then he closed the door.
Now 'THAT' , my friends, is getting even!

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John Lewis Christmas Advert ...

I don't know if anyone will remember, but a few months ago I blogged here that my son and his wife went on holiday with Louis and when they were abroad someone from the Casting agency where Lou was registered phoned their home regarding a Christmas TV advert they were about to film for John Lewis Stores... You will gather it was a bit of a disappointment however, while they were away Lou ended up having Chicken Pox so he would probably not have been able to do it anyway.

Now in the last week or so the advert has been aired ! The wee boy at the end of the advert sort of looks the same type as Lou so I imagine that would have been the part concerned .... except that Lou doesn't need glasses - though possibly the wee boy in the advert doesn't either - Anyway, every time the advert has come on the TV I automatically think - Gosh, that could have been Lou!

When I was loading the video on this blog I came across posts on Google advising that the video well, not the whole video, just the end bit has now been changed and the wee boy going out to the kennel in the back garden to leave a Christmas present for the dog has been cut and the ending altered to please the 1,ooo people (in Facebook apparently) who complained about the fact that a poor dog had been left out in the cold in the advert ! Never mind that it was all an act, and that the snow shown on the advert was fake .... ie not 'real' snow.

Bloody Hell ! What in the world have we come to that a lot (well a thousand folk is a lot - I suppose) of 'health and safety' twits can alter the outcome of a TV advertisement. For Heaven's sake it's a ruddy advert not real life, do they think that people would actually put their dog out in the frozen wastes of their garden ....... IT'S A FLIPPEN ADVERT !!! Oh God, give me strength - there are one hangova lot of numpties in this world - well at least a thousand .

Oh to hang, enough of my moaning and grumbling, have a look at the unedited advert as it was shown before the 'health and safety' folk put their oars in...







Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.