A Father's Birthday Present / Best Doctor's Advice...

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Hi There,


One day a father got out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembered that it was his daughter's birthday so - he pulled over to a Toy Shop and asked the sales person, 'how much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have ......

Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and the Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what' ? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer, one of Ken's friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.


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This is what 'I' call a sensible doctor...

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q.Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q
: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is shape! Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

and remember :
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Red wine in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!! "

and :

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Conclusion : Eat and drink what you like. 'It's speaking English' which apparently kills you ......

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I came across the undernoted poem after doing a random blog check today and couldn't resist this one - it's over two years since I posted it so perhaps there will probably be folk seeing it now for the first time ... Enjoy !

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, ...

Then You Are Probably - The Family Dog!
You thought I was going to get all spiritual with this didn't you ? hehehe.


Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.