Old People Hate Brandon Inge???

And now, a moment in the life of Your Party Host.

As a general rule, I avoid talking with old people for several reasons. They smell weird. They’re always cranky and complaining about something. They chew even when there’s nothing in their mouths. They’re universally unpleasant to look at. They could drop dead at any moment and I don’t want people to think I caused it. They often make no sense. Etc.

Well, at the friendly bar/restaurant/hellhole that I am in charge of running, an elderly woman of around 80ish came in to place a to-go order. As she’s waiting, she sits down and starts watching the Tigers game that I’m, of course, staring at instead of doing my work. Who happens to be at the plate? Detroit’s Special Little Guy himself, Brandon Inge.

Predictably, Brandon strikes out. I mutter two words to myself rhyming with “brother trucker” and happen look at the old woman. She shakes her head, turns to me, and stuns me by saying, “I hate that Inge. All he does is strike out.”

I’m in shock. I was under the impression that Brandon Inge was the hero of old people, fat girls, and crippled children all over the world and could do no wrong in their eyes. I smiled at her and said, “Yeah, I know. He’s horrible.”

She then asked how old Brandon is. I told her 33, same as I am. She then amuses me by asking, “By now, shouldn’t he have some clue about batting? He’s been around long enough and still swings and misses by a mile all the time. I just don’t get it.”

At this point, I’m considering asking this woman if she can legally adopt me as her grandson. The last thing I asked her before returning to actually working was who she did like on the team. She responded, “The guy that saves games for them…I like him when he dances.” Then she got her food and left.

I learned something from this exchange. Old people, while a nuisance in almost every way, are in fact capable of doing something worthwhile other than leaving you money when they die. This woman made me smile. And that’s not something that’s easily done.

Thank you, madam. Godspeed. I hope we didn’t give you food poisoning.


Quick site note: I've heard both good and bad about the black background that I had up for a while. So, I’m trying this one right now...it's a bit easier to read. I’ll figure it out eventually. Thanks for stopping by, as always.