Love Note To Brennan Boesch

Hey, Brennan.

What’s up? Not much here. Um, I hope I’m not buggin’ you or anything, but I just had to write you this note. I dunno if you’ve noticed or not, but I’ve been kinda acting funny around you. I mean, everyone’s talking about you and just thinks you’re the coolest cuz you’ve been kicking so much butt in the big leagues, but I’ve kinda stayed away. I just thought I should try and explain myself. K?

You see, I’ve been hurt before by guys like you. And I’m not proud of it, but I’ve been around a bit. I mean, I started really young when Matt broke my heart after things started so great back in ’87. Since then, Cecil, Mickey, Ivan, Timo, CJ, that red-headed guy Chris, and others have won my heart and then just skipped town or faded away. There was a weird love/hate thing with a guy named Nate. And OMG, I had an almost 11 year thing with this guy Bobby, but he hurt himself and I haven’t heard from him since. (Right…hurt himself. :P) You actually kinda remind me of him a bit…LOL. I’ve tried to keep my distance from you, but I guess I can’t help myself.

I mean, you’re not perfect. You swing at too many first pitches. You can’t hit breaking pitches very well yet. And those friends of yours! I mean, you really hang out with that dork, Brandon? And that Donnie kid…what’s his deal, is he retarded? (It’s okay if he is!) That dude Justin you know…he just scares me when he stares…he looks like he’s gonna kill someone! (j/k) And your buddy Miguel, I hear he has a drinking problem. Or had. :P But this isn’t about them.

Like I said, I’ve been scared to embrace you. I’m so sick of being hurt. But the way you homered against the White Sox yesterday? The way you took that jerk Kyle deep the other day? Your OPS is 1.006, for cripes sakes! You’re hitting .341! .591 against lefties! (:o) And your name…even that is the coolest! Boesch. Like bash. Get it? LOL

Well, sorry to babble on like this. I just wanted to know that I just need a little more time. But I think I’m really starting to like you. I hope you don’t mind us taking our time, but I just can’t get hurt again.

I just can’t.

Keep up the good work! Seeya at the park!


(I swear. The crap I do to try and entertain you people…)