A couple of funnies and a Frightening Video...

Hi Folks,

Rt. Hon Andy Burnham MP MINISTER FOR HEALTH is awoken at 4 am by the telephone. 'Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Liverpool has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire English supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week.'

Rt. Hon Andy Burnham MP:"Oh dearie me." "or words to that effect"...

The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies.... We'll be ruined.' 'We're going to have to ship some in from France ?' 'Bad idea! The frogs will have a field day on this one.' A Junior Minister pipes up : 'What about Scotland ?' Rt. Hon Andy Burnham MP says.. 'I'll call Alex Salmond.' " that's Scotland's First Minister - just in case ya didn't know".

Tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick. That way they'll continue to respect the English . Three days later a delighted Andy Burnham MP runs out to open the boxes that arrived at the Post Office.

He finds five million condoms: 10 inches long, 3 inches thick, all coloured blue and white with small writing on each one. Imprinted on each one in clear 'bright blue' lettering .........


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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer, a Scot, in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first.." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there " .

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I received this in email from my brother in law and I must be honest - it frightened the life out of me... I can't believe that some drivers in the USA really drive like this ? Blimey! My husband Rob (who is an ex-taxi driver) drives like a speed nut, but I thought others weren't quite as bad as that.

This video is the best argument I can think of for stopping completely, looking both ways (and all around) before entering an intersection! Even then, you cannot guarantee that some ' nutter ' wouldn't be on the road at the same time.

Drive safely and have a great week !

Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.