Some Funnies and a Sharp Shooter ...

These funnies appealed to my sense of humour - Enjoy

Hi Folks,

Idiot Sightings ......

1) My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a twenty pence piece. She said, 'you've given me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change..
Do not confuse the Staff at Rickmansworth MacD's.

) We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said 'Nooo, it's not. Four is larger than two ...
We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park- Nr Watford UK

) I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Potters Bar , Herts , UK

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? 'To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened Luton Airport .... UK

) The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co- worker of mine. She asked if I
knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it's an aural signal for blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'
She is a local County Council employee in Harrow , Middlesex , UK

) When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service dept. and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'it's open!' His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire UK .

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This guy was a bounty hunter in the southern United States until someone saw him showing off to his buddies... One of his buddies videotaped him throwing a golf ball in the air, then keeping it in the air with a .22 pistol until the clip was empty! They sent the tape to Bennelli(Berrettas parent company) he now has his own TV show, and tours with Tom Knapp exibition shooting.
His first contract 5 years was ago of a undisclosed amount.. it is believed to be well over a million dollars a year.

He is considered the best shot in history! I know I certainly wouldn't like to be on the wrong side of the law when he had his rifle aimed in my direction ......

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You are the conductor of your own attitude!
Nobody else can compose your thoughts for you.
Lee J. Colan...

Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.