Hi. I'm the Internet's Leading Expert on Unicorn Stabbings

The keywords people use to find your blog or website on Google are very important to your success on the internet.  According to StatCounter:



I think I'm doing it wrong:



Or maybe I'm doing it exactly right because I've most definitely cornered the niche on "101 Ways to Abort Your Gay-Married, Al-Qaeda-Loving Baby for $39 or Less!"  Good career move, me.

UPDATE:  I emailed Boyfriend at work and I was like "If someone asked you the question 'uterus babies not sticking to?' how would you respond?"

Boyfriend:  "That's not really a question - more like a statement.  Or just a string of random words."

Me:  "But if it was a question, how would you answer it?"

Boyfriend:  "Well, first I would want to get more information.  Are you talking about a fetus or embryo inside a uterus or an actual baby uterus?  Or a baby's uterus?

Me:  "What if it's just a giant uterus that people had to throw babies at and if the babies stick, they win the game or something?"

Boyfriend:  "I don't think that's what they meant."

Me:  "I'm just trying to be prepared, Duncan. I'm supposed to be an expert on stuff like this and I want to  have all my bases covered if that question comes up."

Boyfriend: "So they're trying to figure out how to make the babies more sticky?"

Me:  "I was approaching it from the angle of making the uterus more sticky, but making the babies more sticky would also work.  How do you propose we make the babies stickier?"

Boyfriend:  "How long do they need to be stuck to the giant uterus?"

Me: "About 20 seconds."

Boyfriend: "Wow.  That is really specific."

Me:  "The rules of Baby-Uterus-Wall-Ball are extremely rigid."

Boyfriend:  "You need a job."

Me:  "This is my job.  And you are negatively affecting my career by not cooperating with me on this."

Boyfriend:  "I need to get back to work, Allie."

Me:  "So do I!"

Boyfriend:  "Okay, what about wrapping the babies in velcro?"

Me:  "That could totally work."

Then Boyfriend reminded me that Google tracks all of his emails because he works in a Government lab so I sent him an email that said "furry penis, REDRUM, sphaetergøten!"  And Boyfriend was like "WTF?" and I said "I'm trying to throw Google off your trail."  And Boyfriend was all "I don't think it works like that." I honestly don't know how he hasn't been kidnapped by the government yet.