Kevin and his Cat / Who's the Daddy / HEMA Store..

This older couple in the funny kinda reminds me of folk I know very well but I can't quite get a handle on 'who they are' erm.. I wonder ?

Kevin and Meg the Lion .....

Hi Folks,

The above photos show Kevin Richardson with Meg the lion ...... in the Crocodile River just south of the Magaliesburg mountains, near Johannesburg , South Africa . Weighing a staggering 185 kg this boisterous tawny lioness playfully splashed around with the veteran of the wild.. Despite her formidable size and strength, Kevin claims he is completely safe in Meg's company. Meg, seven, and her sister Amy, live in The Kingdom Of The White Lion, near Johannesburg . Kevin says Meg is like an 'excited dog going for a ride in a car' when she goes swimming However Kevin's unusual work with these magnificent animals has captured the imagination. 'People are always amazed that she doesn't rip me to pieces with her claws,' Kevin said.'I assure you every now and again I get a claw going into me. It's unintentional and just reconfirms to me how gentle and in control she tries to be. 'You get in and start swimming and the next thing you know there's a full grown lioness beside you doing doggy paddle .... umm I mean ....lion paddle towards you.'
This next one is a bit of a soppy one so...... hankies at the ready !
Who's the Daddy ......... A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, TN. One morning, they were eating breakfast at little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, "I hope he doesn't come over here." But sure enough, the man did come over to their table."Where are you folks from?" he asked in a friendly voice. "Oklahoma," they answered."Great to have you here in Tennessee," the stranger said. "What do you do for a living?""I teach at a seminary," he replied."Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I've got a really great story for you." And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple. The professor groaned and thought to himself,
"Great...Just what I need... another preacher story!"The man started, "See that mountain over there? (pointing out the restaurant window).Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother.He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, 'Who's your daddy?' He would hide at recess and lunch time from other students. He would avoid going in to stores because that question hurt him so bad.
When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?' But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, "Son, who's your daddy?" The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, 'Who's your daddy."This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy. "Wait a minute! I know who you are. I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God." With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, "Boy, you've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it."With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again. When ever anybody asked him, 'Who's your Daddy?' he'd just tell them, 'I'm a Child of God'."
The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, "Isn't that a great story?"The professor agreed that it really was a great story!As the man turned to leave, he said, "You know, if that new preacher hadn't told me that I was one of God's children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!" And he walked away. The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over and asked her, "Do you know who that man was who just left that was sitting at our table?" The waitress grinned and said, "Of course. Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's the former governor of Tennessee!"~author unknown~ (Note: Mr. Hooper served as Governor of Tennessee from 1911-1915) .
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Radio Joke ......
When you click on the above you will see a part which says 'Aussie radio joke' give another click and you're there ! It's a beaut! have a listen... and you might know - there's a Scotsman involved in it - told you these Scots get everywhere - hehehe ......
~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Hope you enjoy this last item, it certainly appealed to my sense of fun - enjoy !!
HEMA is a Dutch department store ...... The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam . Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands . Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. Don't click on any of the items in the picture, just wait and see...

This company has a sense of humour and a great computer programmer !http://producten.hema.nl/




Cheers from the land of the Heather and the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.

Catfight: Nate vs. The Farns

A battle of favorites(?) of mine. Nate Robertson vs. Kyle Farnsworth. Who ya got?

1. 2009 So Far
Nate: 1-0, 9.00 ERA, , 6 games, 6 IP, 2 BB, 4 K, 0 HR, 1.50 WHIP
Farns: 0-3, 9.95 ERA, 8 games, 6.1 IP, 3 BB, 6 K, 2 HR, 2.05 WHIP
Advantage: Nate. That's amazing. The Farns has been even more Farnsworthless than when he was up with us last year.

2. Best Season
Nate: 2006-13-13, 3.84 ERA, 1.31 WHIP, 137 K's in 208.2 innings
Farns: 2005-1-1, 2.19 ERA, 1.01 WHIP, 87 K's in 70 innings
Advantage: The Farns. In '05 he was dominant and looked to be one of the best relievers in baseball. Nate had poor run support (and Gumtime), but wasn't the beast that Farns was.

3. Glasses
Nate: Goofy (to correct lazy eye)
Farns: Goofy (cause he's goofy)
Advantage: Nate. He has a legit reason other than poor eyesight. How have I not made fun of this before?

4. What'd we give up for him?
Nate: Mark Redman & Jerrod Fuell
Farns: Roberto Novoa, Scott Moore, Bo Flowers (1st time), Pudge (2nd time)
Advantage: Push. Pudge is a hall of famer but was done when we dropped him.

5. What'd we get for him?
Nate: Came over with Gary Knotts and Rob Henkell.
Farns: Received Zach Miner and Roman Colon.
Advantage: Farns. Miner's not the best, but he's decent. Gary Knotts is in my five least favorite Tigers of all time for being absolutely terrible.

6. Contract
Nate: 2nd year of a 3 year $21.25 million deal.
Farns: 1st year of a 2 year $9.25 million deal.
Advantage: Farns. Nothing is as bad as Nate's deal...except maybe Dontrelle's.

7. Who you want with you in a fight?
Nate: "I dropped my gum."
Farns: Bad ass. See 2003 vs. Paul Wilson and 2005 vs. Jeremy Affeldt. Kyle's big and crazy...you want him on your side.
Advantage: Farns by a landslide.

8. Stupidity
Nate: Goes from being the worst starter in baseball with a huge contract in 2008 to complaining about not starting and wanted to be traded in 2009.
Farns: In 2004, kicks an electric fan and ends up on the DL.
Advantage: Nate. Kyle has one of the dumber stints on the DL that I know of there.

9. City Loyalty
Nate: Only Tiger (I believe) that lives in Detroit area. Active in the community.
Farns: Hated in Detroit, Chicago, and New York. KC can't like him too much, either. Not sure about Atlanta.
Advantage: Nate. He may suck, but he's a Detroit guy.

10. Stuff
Nate: Low 90's heater. Useless slider.
Farns: Has hit triple didgets. Awesome when he has command.
Advantage: Farns.

11. Future
Nate: Who knows? Doesn't look good. If they released Sheff, Nate can't feel too comfortable.
Farns: Has the ability to rebound. Was decent with the Yanks last year before being traded to us.
Advantage: Farns.

12. Easier to make fun of
Nate: Made a stupid blog out of it
Farns: He scares me.
Advantage: Nate.

There you have it. Kyle Farnsworth is slightly more valuable than Nate Robertson. Here's to hoping that they both turn it around. (At least you, Nate. Love ya, buddy.)

New Friends/Old Enemies

Just a quick thing about the Rod Allen post: Take a joke, kids. Of course it's hard to call a baseball game. Everything a guy says isn't going to be perfect. I'm just having a bit 'o' fun with Mr. Rod Allen. And I'll probably do it again. If you're looking for a blog featuring nothing but rah-rah Rick Reilly stuff, you're in the wrong place. Loosen up, people. I love my team and I make fun of those I love. I learned that from Jeffrey Ross. For some reason, you're on a blog called DesigNate Robertson. We will not be discussing whether or not Ryan Raburn is prettier than Josh Anderson. We will, however, be trying to have some fun and occasionally being cocky...all while loving the Detroit Tigers.

Whew. With that out of the way, I went to my second Tigers game of the year last night and they brought their all-important record with me in attendance up to 1-1. JV was outstanding for seven innings and Maggs put one out again. Part of my weird love of Bobby Higginson was him almost always seemingly hitting a homer when I went to a game. Magglio's kind of taken that role over and that's a big reason why I love the goofball. Bobby Seay continued to be perfect and Polonco hit two doubles. A fun night for everyone, it was.

I also got to meet two other members of the Tiger blogosphere last night in Blake from The Spotstarters and Jen from Old English D. Both were very nice people and I hope to see them at the ballpark again in the future.

But, sadly, there were a few people at the game that I almost ALWAYS see and I'm kind of sick of it. I'm sure you know these people, too. Any chance we can get rid of the following?

-The old guy begging for change out front chanting "eat em up Tigers, eat em up" over and over again? Learn a new song, buddy. That's almost as annoying as "April in the D".

-The fat girl in the Inge jersey. Ugh...go away.

-The drunk guy screaming over and over for the section to start the wave. Meanwhile, Seay's pitching his ass off with two on and no out, but I've got this clown yelling "1, 2, 3" over and over. Screw the wave. You're the reason beer stops being sold early at ballgames, buddy.

-The slutty girl in the Inge jersey. How old are you? Fifteen? Put some pants on.

-The guys sitting behind two eight year olds that can't go one sentence without using the "f" word three times. Now, myself, I'm a big fan of the "f" word. Just not with little kids around. Even I'm classier than that.

-The guy accusing every player on the field of being on steroids. Get over it, dude. You'd have done it in their shoes, too.

-Fernando Rodney.

Okay, two more with the Yanks. Keep up the good work, kids.

Three Male Stages / Crusty Old Biker/Skinny Dipping/I hate my job/Twinkies/A Prayer...

The three stages of the male ......
Single ......
Married ......
Divorced ......
. . . ... .
Hi Again Folks,


Well after my last blog being a serious one I decided to sing from a different hymn sheet and do a 'funny' one today . Mainly because I thought these funnies were hilarious and just couldn't 'not' pass them on to you .........

The first funnie was received from my young, funny, generous and very witty daughter-in-law, whose sense of humour seems to be getting more like mine every week - she's learning ! Though I have heard that you get like the folk you associate with, so you lot had better watch out ! Have a decco and a laugh 'cos these things are getting rarer you know, what with the credit crunch and all ... This first one had me coughing and spluttering over my morning cuppa - Enjoy !

A Crusty Old Biker ......... Out on a long summer ride in the country pulled up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parked his bike and walked inside. As he passed through the swingin' doors, he saw a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00 ............ Huh ???
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walked up to the bar and beckoned to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers. She glided down behind the bar to the ole biker. 'Yes?' she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, 'may I help you?'

The ole biker leaned over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispered , "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes", "Yes, I sure am"......

The old bloke leaned closer to her and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, go and wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Skinny Dipping ......... An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some oldies can sure think fast and can teach us a thing or two ! !
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
When you have an 'I Hate My Job Day'. Just try this out ........ On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and is then sanitized '

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,

"'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'"

So remember - There is always someone else with a job that is more of a pain in the ass than yours !
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
This next one is 'a soppy hankie' one which of course I 'had' to add as I just loved it - Enjoy !

'Twinkies & Root Beer'
Just click on the word Twinkies.
>> Twinkies <<

Awwwwww ...... This is so very, very true...
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
A Menopausal Prayer ...
Now I lay me Down to sleep, I pray the Lord My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles Please no bags, And please lift my butt Before it sags.
Please no age spots Please no grey, And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord - For all that you've done. AMEN ......




Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.

Spun


On writing, Duras says that it is not translation, nor transition, nor passing from one state to another --

It's a matter of deciphering something already there, something you've already done in the sleep of your life, in its organic rumination, unbeknown to you.


Proust says the same thing --

As for the inner book of unknown symbols (symbols carved in relief they might have been, which my attention, as it explored my unconscious, groped for and stumbled against and followed the contours of, like a diver exploring the ocean-bed), if I tried to read them no one could help me with any rules, for to read them was an act of creation in which no one can do our work for us, or even collaborate with us. How many for this reason turn aside from writing!


This deciphering -- it must begin from a place of desire -- wanting to understand or to communicate the experience (to oneself or to another). Also some recognition of the thing experienced as worthy of recognition and communication.

I wonder about these past months of mine -- when I have learned to become so wary and skeptical of ideas. It becomes harder and harder to take the risk -- to do the sleepwalking that Pursewarden spoke of to Clea in Durrell's book -- no willingness to commit to a set of unknown symbols and spell them out. Or rather to commit only so far as to hover lightly over something unseen and unspoken. That's what this web-writing does, it allows for lightness and frivolity and a way of being cavalier. It's good for that, but it encourages the lightness too much -- allows me to stay away from committing to something - from seizing upon something worth deciphering and believing in it -- taking it up and seeing how I might unravel the filaments and spin them to their lengths.

Spun


On writing, Duras says that it is not translation, nor transition, nor passing from one state to another --

It's a matter of deciphering something already there, something you've already done in the sleep of your life, in its organic rumination, unbeknown to you.


Proust says the same thing --

As for the inner book of unknown symbols (symbols carved in relief they might have been, which my attention, as it explored my unconscious, groped for and stumbled against and followed the contours of, like a diver exploring the ocean-bed), if I tried to read them no one could help me with any rules, for to read them was an act of creation in which no one can do our work for us, or even collaborate with us. How many for this reason turn aside from writing!


This deciphering -- it must begin from a place of desire -- wanting to understand or to communicate the experience (to oneself or to another). Also some recognition of the thing experienced as worthy of recognition and communication.

I wonder about these past months of mine -- when I have learned to become so wary and skeptical of ideas. It becomes harder and harder to take the risk -- to do the sleepwalking that Pursewarden spoke of to Clea in Durrell's book -- no willingness to commit to a set of unknown symbols and spell them out. Or rather to commit only so far as to hover lightly over something unseen and unspoken. That's what this web-writing does, it allows for lightness and frivolity and a way of being cavalier. It's good for that, but it encourages the lightness too much -- allows me to stay away from committing to something - from seizing upon something worth deciphering and believing in it -- taking it up and seeing how I might unravel the filaments and spin them to their lengths.

Essayer




In this sort-of-a-book which isn't really a book at all I'd have liked to talk about this and that, as one does all the time on an ordinary day just like any other. To drive along the motorway of the word, slowing down or stopping as I felt inclined, for no particular reason. But it's impossible -- you can't get away from the road itself and the way it's going; you can't not go anywhere; you can't just talk without starting out from a particular point of knowledge or ignorance, and arrive somewhere at random amid the welter of other words. You can't simultaneously know and not know. And so this book, which I'd have liked to resemble a motorway going in all directions at once, will merely be a book that tries to go everywhere but goes to just one place at a time; which turns back and sets out again the same as everyone else, the same as every other book. The only alternative is to say nothing. But that can't be written down.

Marguerite Duras -- Practicalities

Essayer




In this sort-of-a-book which isn't really a book at all I'd have liked to talk about this and that, as one does all the time on an ordinary day just like any other. To drive along the motorway of the word, slowing down or stopping as I felt inclined, for no particular reason. But it's impossible -- you can't get away from the road itself and the way it's going; you can't not go anywhere; you can't just talk without starting out from a particular point of knowledge or ignorance, and arrive somewhere at random amid the welter of other words. You can't simultaneously know and not know. And so this book, which I'd have liked to resemble a motorway going in all directions at once, will merely be a book that tries to go everywhere but goes to just one place at a time; which turns back and sets out again the same as everyone else, the same as every other book. The only alternative is to say nothing. But that can't be written down.

Marguerite Duras -- Practicalities

Poems films and daydreaming about heroes and heroines...

Violette's daughter Tania after accepting her mother's medals...


Violette Szabo - Who was awarded the George Cross and The Croix de Guerre ...


Hi Folks,


I was checking out some of my favourite blogs this morning and while in June Saville's blog I came across a wee poem sitting off to the side of her comments today and wondered where I had seen a poem like it - or what poem it reminded me of - do you ever get moments like these when something rings a bell with you and points your mind off in another direction ? Well - I get them all the flippen time and the problem is that if I don't act on it the opportunity and the thought is gone .... Old age you see !

Well anyway, the poem on June's sidebar was this -

"The life I touch for good or ill
will touch another life,
and that in turn another,
until who knows where the trembling stops
or in what far place my touch will be felt. "
Author Unknown...

For ages it rumbled around in my brain and then realization dawned - it reminded me of a poem in an old ' fantastic but true' story in the film - Carve Her Name With Pride... made when the world was still in black and white . Now I am well aware that people under the age of fifty will probably not have a clue what the hair-oil I am talking about - but this true story film had such an effect on me that for years I wanted to be that girl 'Violette Szabo' who died after having done so much for us, she suffered a lot - Ohhhhh... I wept buckets watching the film and after it - and to be honest even now, as I read the poem I remember parts of the film and weep again - It was a wonderful true story and some of her story is shown if you Google her name on the 'net... or click the connection below.

"In 1958 Virginia McKenna had top billing on the posters for Carve Her Name With Pride, and was nominated for a BAFTA Award for Best Actress for her role as Violette Szabo. But these days Virginia insists that the other star of the film was what’s known as Violette’s poem code – The Life That I Have. "

The poem was written by codemaster Leo Marks, and was used by her as a code poem whilst she was on a mission in occupied France.

Related Articles
Review: Carve Her Name With Pride
Leo Marks
The Life that I have Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours
and yours.

I have set up a video here which shows the actress Virginia McKenna (Violette in the film) reciting the poem along with further information ... Every time I hear or read it the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

Virginia McKenna recites 'The Life That I Have' - Telegraph

The next video shows Virginia McKenna talking about Violette and also Violette's daughter talking about the making of the film 'Carve Her Name With Pride' ..

The real Charlotte Grays - Telegraph

It's probably something that most children go through ' daydreaming that they could be the hero or heroine told about in a great story, ' boys when they are growing up want to be a hero like John Wayne in the old cowboy films or other somesuch ..... The difference between the two of course is that one was acting a part whereas she lived the story.




Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.
P.S. I also remember wanting to be the the Nun in 'The Nun's Story' too and Ohh! to look like Audrey Hepburn hmmmm.... I wished sooo hard ! Did it work ? Did it heck as like !!

In Rod I (Don't) Trust

For the most part, I like Rod Allen. He seems like a nice guy. He can be entertaining doing color commentary. And most importantly, he explains things sometimes like a coach would be explaining it to a player. I enjoy that. But that's only about 20% of the time. The other 80% is spent sounding like a mental patient. Now, most Tiger fans I talk to really like Rod Allen. Hell, I just said that I do. But watch a Tigers game with a non-Tigers fan sometime. I have a White Sox fan as a friend and there's an Indians fan I know. Recently, I watched different games on Fox Detroit with both of them and they had similar responses. "How the f--k do you listen to this guy every night? He's a moron." As entertaining as we may find the guy at times, they are right. He has his little Rod-isms that fans enjoy, but I really don't think Rod knows what he's talking about most of the time. And in last night's Tigers/Angels game, I decided to really listen to what Rod was saying. Plus, lately Inge has been a good boy and Nate's been MIA...so I need someone new to pick on. Here's what went on.

Top of the 1st
-ROD-ISM #1: According to Rod, Granderson hit a "seed" back up the middle. If I were a more dedicated blogger, I might go to the local greenhouse, buy some seeds, and take them outside and smack them around with a baseball bat. But I don't think they'd go that far. Plus I just don't have that kind of time...not with the drinking problem. Spitting seeds? Same thing. Maybe 10 feet. So, what's with the seeds that Rod's always talking about?

-Rod's talking about the Tigers facing 5 really good pitchers coming into this game. Now, King Felix, Bedard, Weaver, and even Saunders...I'll give them to you. But Silva? A good pitcher? Silva has been as good at pitching (especially against Detroit) as I am at gymnastics. And that is not good.

-ROD-ISM #2: "Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good." He says this all the time. Tell you what, Rod. We'll each pick baseball teams. You pick the last guy to hit the Super Lotto and I'll take Albert Pujols. We'll keep going like that. Who do you think's going to win? I'd rather be good at what I do.

Bottom of the 1st
-Like he's done in every Jackson start, Rod starts giving Double D the GM of the Year award calling the E-Jax/Joyce trade a "steal" for Detroit based on Jackson's start and the fact that Jackson won 14 games last year. Now, look. I'm loving what I've seen of Jackson so far. He's a quality pitcher. But it's a bit early to call this a steal. Matt Joyce may turn out to be a pretty good hitter. And this 14 win garbage? I hate that. Wins are overrated. Juan Rincon got the win the other night pitching like Nate Robertson. You get wins with run support which is what Jackson had last year. What if you have a 2.00 ERA but your team only scores 1 run a game? Are you a bad pitcher? But if you have 15 wins with a 5.00 ERA and your team scores 8 runs a game for you...all of the sudden you're a good pitcher? To Rod, you are.

-Rod says that when Jackson gets ahead, he'll "put you away". Thus, the Angels should be swinging at early strikes. Jackson, for his career, has 6.12 K's per 9 innings pitched. He's struck out 328 guys in 482 career innings. He's not Nolan Ryan, Mr. Allen. He's Edwin Jackson and he gives up a lot of hits.

-Bobby Abreu gets on first and Rod says that Abreu's a good base runner, but he's not very fast. Considering that Bobby's had over 20 steals for 10 years straight and 325 for his career, I'm pretty sure that he's not Cecil Fielder on the basepaths. He's pretty fast. Of course, after Rod said that, Abreu steals second base.

Top of the 2nd
-Talking about how Angels starter Matt Palmer wasn't a high draft pick, Rod says that he had to "pitch his way to the big leagues". Really? So, if you're a high draft pick, you are just given the shot? No. That's not how it works. If you're taken in the 3rd round and get bombed in AA, you're not coming up. Everyone has to earn their way to the big leagues or else everyone would make it up there.

-Mr. Anderson beats out an infield hit that Izturis double clutched a bit. Rod says it's because of Anderson's speed that Izturis rushed and screwed up. Show me an infielder that doesn't rush on plays with speedy runners and I'll show you Edgar Renteria. Any other infielder will rush on those plays. Othewise, you won't get them out.

-Rod says that Mike Scioscia knows Jim Leyland's managerial tendencies. Leyland's been all over the place this year. I don't think Jim knows what he's going to do from day to day...so I'm pretty sure Mike doesn't know.

-Talking about the injuries to the Angels rotation, Rod says that "it's tough to overcome losing your #1 and #2 starters". In other news, water is wet and Polanco has a weird shaped head.

Bottom of the 2nd
-Rod talks about the homers that Jackson gave up against the White Sox. It was really against the Rangers which the producer most likely screamed in Rod's ear as he went on to correct himself later.

-ROD-ISM #3: Rod calls Mario "Pahdner". I have no problem with this one. It's cute. I'm just listing the Rod-isms as they come.

-Mario mentions that the Indians beat Kansas City. Rod says it's a "good thing". Why? Sure, the Indians started like crap, but by the end of the year, I'm more worried about the Indians being at the top of the standings than the Royals. We want the good teams in the Central to lose, Rod.

Top of the 3rd
-It's a 3-0 count to Magglio and Rod says that "some like to swing at 3-0 and some don't". Yep. And some people like scrambled eggs and some do not. What's your point?

-Mario lets everyone know that the Wings completed their sweep over Columbus. Rod replies with "April in the D, baby". My hatred of Rod today multiplies by fifty.

Bottom of the 3rd
-Talking about facing Rod's favorite pitcher in the next game, Zach Greinke, Rod says that Greinke has "always had good stuff". Greinke's been good lately, but he's 37-45 with a 4.15 ERA for his career. He's k'd 534 guys in 678.2 innings pitched. He was taken out of the rotation in '06 and '07 for NOT having good stuff. Keep your man-crushes to yourself, Rod.

-ROD-ISM #4: Rod says that Jackson throws an "easy 95 mph". I have no idea what that means.

-Talking about the Rays manager Joe Madden, Rod says that Madden is "notorious for trying to figure out what his players are thinking". Madden has one year managing in the big leagues. How can he be "notorious" for anything, especially for something that every manager does?

-Rod says that even through the Angels are down by 2, they won't stop trying to steal a base. It's the third inning, Rod. Not the seventh.

-ROD-ISM #5: After a diving catch, Rod calls Miguel Cabrera, "Cabby". Yes, we all hate that nickname. I blame Rod Allen for it.

Top of the 4th
-The Aflec question is asking which Tiger, other than Magglio this year, had started a season with his first 17 hits being singles. Rod had no clue that Magglio had 17 hits, all singles, so far. Is there any Tiger fan out there that didn't know that Ordonez doesn't have an extra base hit? Especially one that's paid to be a color analyst? (By the way, the answer is John Knox in 1974, if you missed it.)

Bottom of the 4th
-After finding out the answer to the question, Mario mentions that Knox wasn't an everyday player. Rod says that "that makes it more impressive". How in any world this makes sense...you explain it to me.

-Rod says that Edwin's 85 mph changeup is almost as fast as his fastball. Jackson throws his heater anywhere from 93-96 mph. Once again, you are wrong, sir.

-After the Tigers make another error, Rod's complaining about the Angels scorekeeper. He says the guy keeps giving the Angels hits and the Tigers errors. This is impossible. It's one or the other.

-ROD-ISM #6: Gary Matthews catches some chin music from Jackson. Rod becomes the first African-American male other than himself to say "Hello, Darlin'!" since 1962.

Top of the 5th
-Palmer throws an 87 mph fastball with late movement which Rod says makes it seem like a 94 mph fastball to a hitter. This is not true.

Bottom of the 5th
-FOOD/DRINK ALERT: A camera catches a shot of lemonade being served in the stands. Rod says it looks "real good". Good thing they didn't show cotton candy. Rod loves cotton candy. Can't remember if it's the pink or the blue, though.

-Talking about the Yanks not resigning Bobby Abreu, "How do you not want a guy like him?" Why did the Tigers cut Sheffield, Rod? The Yankees have Xavier Nady for right field. Unlike Abreu, Nady is cheaper (until his Angels deal), younger, and a better defensive player, yet still has pop in his bat. That's why. They didn't know that he would get hurt.

Top of the 6th
-ROD-ISM #7: Rod says that the Angels bullpen has been "less than stellar". He always says that. That's a broad statement...less than stellar. Pretty good is "less than stellar". The Angels bullpen has been dog crap. Say that next time.

-Rod is VERY quiet this half inning, hardly saying anything. I assume it is because someone brought him some of that lemonade. Or cotton candy.

Bottom of the 6th
-ROD-ISM #8: The Coors Light Freeze Cam shows Jackson recording an out at first base. Rod calls him "Johnny on the spot". He uses this one a lot. He is the only human under 65 to use this phrase since the 1940's.

-Rod says that Gary Matthews is running better since having knee surgery. Really? My knee's messed up, thus I can't run. I had surgery. I can run again. Mr. Obvious strikes again.

-Mathis has a 3 ball count on him. Jackson walked him earlier. Rod: "He wouldn't walk him again, would he?" I'm sure Jackson is really considering trying to walk the Angels #9 hitter. He sucks tonight, Rod. He's not trying to walk people.

-Bobby Abreu beats out an infield hit. I remember how Rod says Abreu isn't fast earlier in the game. I miss Kirk Gibson being an analyst.

Top of the 7th
-ROD-ISM #9: Fan Boy's talking about Grienke again. "He's better than good!" At least the guy's not "less than stellar".

-ROD-ISM #10: Angels pitcher Daniel Davidson is seen warming up. He throws side-arm. Rod says, "He looks nasty."

-ROD-ISM #11: The Tigers got "a boatload 'o' hits and a boatload 'o' runs" last night. How big is this mysterious boat?

-Davidson's in the game now. After Rod calls him "nasty" again, they talk about him making his MLB debut the other day. Literally a couple seconds later, Rod says the Angels recalled him after looking good in the minors. No, they called him up. If they recalled him, he wouldn't have just made his debut. Yes, I'm annoyed and picky right now.

-Rod blames the Angels bullpen woes on losing K-Rod. Seriously. The Angels pen had an ERA of 8.63 coming into this game. And it's ALL because K-Rod isn't there. This may be Rod's dumbest statement of the night.

-ROD-ISM #12 & #13: Rod makes a two-for-one by saying that Magglio might "come out of his shoes" and "hit a gapper". He doesn't.

Bottom of the 7th
-Kendry Morales is up. Rod says he's the third of three "great" players from Cuba the Tigers have seen this year. Great players. You say "great player", I think of, you know, Mantle, Mays, Bonds, Higginson. (haw) But, not these guys.
*Kendry Morales' Career Numbers: .251, 13, 51, .303 OBP in 142 games.
*Yuniesky Betencourt's Career Numbers: .282, 25, 184, .304 OBP in 541 games.
*Alexi Ramirez had a great rookie year last year. This year, though, .157, 0, 3.
Yep. Great players, there.

-Rod talks about the Angels having "home court advantage". This isn't basketball. They have home FIELD advantage.

-Mr. Allen says that "A lot of good players get no day off...ESPECIALLY in the Amercian League". This, like most things he says, makes no sense. Everyone takes days off nowadays, for one. And in the AL, the DH is there to give guys time off. This is another reason that was given for Sheffield's release. What game does Rod watch out there?

-Rod says "It's automatic that when there's a runner on first, if there's a hit, the runner will make it to third". Not true at all. That's why you hear about station-to-station teams. That's another reason the Tigers are trying to get quicker.

Top of the 8th
-Rod blames the 4 errors that the Tigers have made tonight on the Angels' field. Two were throwing errors and Miguel's, at least, was just a dumb play. Don't blame the field. The Angels are playing on it, too.

Bottom of the 8th
-ROD-ISM #14: "Crooked numbers". I just don't like this one. Sue me.

Top of the 9th (Thank God)
-Angels pitcher Justin Speier is in the game. Rod says that Justin's dad, Chris Speier, was a longtime shortstop of the Giants. Chris Speier played parts of 6 years, starting with '71-'77 in San Francisco. He then played 7 years with the Expos. Then, he spent a year in St. Louis, two with the Cubs, and finished back with two more with the Giants. So, if you want to get technical, he spent 8 in San Fran to edge out his time in Montreal. At this point in the evening, though, I'm very cranky, I guess.

DONE!

I just picked this game at random. Just think...some days he's worse than this. If there is a point to all of this, it's that Rod Allen is nuts. But at least he's not one of those clowns that does the White Sox games. Now, THOSE GUYS suck.

Ancient and Modern Photos / Mr Cosby Sir ! / A Gift from Russia /


Hi Folks,


I had another birthday the other day and it brought home to me again how we age, last month my younger brothers and sisters and I met up and got together for a meal with 'D' to celebrate her birthday and when we got back to our house we took a photograph in the same layout as the old photo taken at our old family home when we were kids. Now this next bit of piffle is my mind going through a kind of waffling and wandering exercise - in other words I open my ' brain' and let my fingers rumble around on the keyboard as it were... It can shock you when you do this sort of thing after such a long time and it can cause what brains I'm left with to be jogged into remembering all sorts ......
Isn't it funny how the time passes and you don't think about it, till something happens, like you suddenly see with so much clarity your face in the bathroom mirror and actually look at the lines on your physog! Or you make a comment about a certain top you have seen in a store, try to describe it to your young daughter-in-law who is still in her twenties and you suddenly see a 'look' drifting past her eyes which plainly means 'Oh my God' surely she's not thinking of wearing 'that' to this or that occasion ??
Time passes soooo quickly you see and our brains seem to stick for a while at the age of 29yrs, so you kind of 'forget' that you are aging at a he** of a rate of knots and it's not until you yourself try on the 'certain' top in the shop that you realise that the 'Oh my God' face was quite correct ! Believe me bloggers thoughts like these only crop up in my brain very occasionally and I do know that all the lines in my face are ones that I have 'earned' in my life and I wouldn't change anything about how I've become me. I'm just going through one of these 'wondering stages' we women go through at times. It doesn't last long and believe me I come out of it very quickly and completely without any long lasting madness ......
Having reread the foregoing I am aware that some folk reading this rubbish are thinking 'In the name of fortune what in blue blazes is she yakking about- she sounds like she has really gone off her trolley !! But fear not, I can assure you that tomorrow I shall be completely recovered as far as my thought processing is concerned and normal service will be resumed - then jokes can abound and the funnies will again take control of this site.

Cheers !!!
Hey, some sense at last .........

Who is he talking about ? 'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even talk the way these people talk: Why you ain't ? Where you is ? What he drive ? Where he stay ? Where he work ? Who you be ? I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk and then I heard the father talk. Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads.

You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth - In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living. People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around. The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids. $500 sneakers for what? They won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit ! Where were you when he was 2? Where were you when he was 12? Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol? And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward: Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong? People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something? Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body? What part of Africa did this come from? We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa .....

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid. I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany, Scotland, England, Ireland , or the Netherlands . The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa . So stop, already! With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ......... and all of them are in jail. Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now. We have millionaire football players who cannot read. We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job. Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us. We have to start holding each other to a higher standard. We cannot blame the white people any longer.' Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed.D.

Well said Mr. Cosby ! It's not about colour, it's about behaviour !
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I received the undernoted item in an email and have had a bit of bother trying to load it on to this site, I hope this works because I feel that it is a very worthy item to view - I hope you also find it interesting, I don't remember hearing of the presentation of this gift to the USA at the time ...... I looks an amazing monument !
Gift From the People of Russia to USA "MONUMENT TO THE STRUGGLE ... - 21 Apr
File Format: Microsoft Powerpoint - View as HTMLPPS: AZV2, Miami, Fl. Amazing Grace - Mantovanni. Please click to change each page ... This is the "TEAR DROP" made and installed by the Russians to honour those who died in 9 11 and a statement .... www.whatsinyouremail.com/wp-filez/Russia_Honor_USA-



Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.
P.S. See! I told you that normal service would be resumed ....

Catfight: Inge vs. A-Rod

My newest attempt at dumb humor is a ripoff of Nick Bakay's old "Tale of the Tape" thing he did on ESPN. Give me a break, I got sick of recaps after a week. I'll compare two people, places, or things in 12 important catagories and see who comes out on top. Today's matchup is DNR favorite Brandon Inge against Alex Rodriguez...you may have heard of him.

1. Owner
Inge: Pizza Empire
A-Rod: Evil Empire
Advantage: A-Rod. Good will never triumph over evil because good is dumb.

2. Goes 0-4
Inge: Tigers fans cheer him
A-Rod: Yanks fans invent new curse words for him
Advantage: Inge

3. Goes 4-4
Inge: Tigers fans cheer him
A-Rod: Yanks fans yell "You're still no Jeter, you (bleep)!"
Advantage: Inge

4. Uniform
Inge: The D
A-Rod: Pinstripes
Advantage: Push. I'm not getting into that battle.

5. Average Groupie
Inge: 13 year olds
A-Rod: Madonna
Advantage: A-Rod. Unless you're on "To Catch a Predator".

6. Currently
Inge: Playing like A-Rod
A-Rod: DL
Advantage: Inge

7. Roids
A-Rod: Used from '01-'03
Inge: Should have used from '01-'03
Advantage: Push. There are no winners here.

8. Plays next to:
A-Rod: God of New York
Inge: A cripple
Advantage: A-Rod

9. Looks
A-Rod: In the mirror kissing himself
Inge: Like he's 15
Advantage: Inge

10. Salary
A-Rod: $28 million and possibly underpaid if healthy
Inge: $6.3 million and overpaid for hitting .220 every year
Advantage: A-Rod

11. Commercials
A-Rod: Guitar Hero: World Tour
Inge: Watches them on TV
Advantage: A-Rod

12. 2003
A-Rod: MVP
Inge: 43-119
Advantage: A-Rod

So, by the slimmest of margins, A-Rod wins. But Brandon put up a better fight than you'd think he would. Kind of like he's done in 2009 so far. Keep up the good work, kid.

Wedding Finger / Jokes / Support for Troops / Poem / God .

Hi Folks,


The Wedding Finger .........
Ever wondered why wedding rings should be on the fourth finger and nowhere else ? Read and try this, you won't believe it ......
Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger? There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese .....

The thumb represents your Parents.The second (index) finger represents your Siblings. The middle finger represents you.The fourth (ring) finger represents your Life Partner. The last (little) finger represents your children. First, open your palms (face to face),bend the middle fingers and hold them together,back to back.Second, open and hold the remaining three fingersand the thumb - tip to tip. (As shown in the figure below):

Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents). They will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later. Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings). They will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their separate lives.Now rejoin the index fingers and separate your little fingers (representing your children). They will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.Finally, rejoin your little fingers, and try to separate your ring fingers (representing your spouse). You'll be surprised to see that you just CANNOT, because husband & wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!!
So clever, those Chinese!!




JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH ......
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ' Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

Seen in a recent article last week ......... I was in West London attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen. Moving through the terminal was a group of soldiers in their uniforms, as they began heading to their gate everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering. When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone - I'm not the only red blooded Briton who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families. Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work, and enjoy our home without fear or reprisal.

Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He knelt down and said 'hi,' the little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her. The young soldier didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek. The mother of the little girl, who said her daughters name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Corporal and had been in Afghanistan for 5 months now. As the mum was explaining how much her daughter, Courtney, missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mum was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it. After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a Kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'Your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'

The mum at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet he saluted Courtney and her mum. I was standing no more than 6 feet away as this entire event unfolded. As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. The young soldier then turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney. We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices.

Hope ......

It's magic and it's free, It's not in a prescription, It's not in an IV.
It punctuates our laughter, It sparkles in our tears, It simmers under sorrows and dissipates our fears.
Do you know what Hope is? It's reaching past today, It's dreaming of tomorrow, It's trying a new way.
It's pushing past impossible, It's pounding on the door, It's questioning the Answers, It's always seeking more.
It's rumours of a breakthrough, It's whispers of a cure, A roller coaster ride Of remedies, unsure. Do you know what Hope is? It's candy for the soul, It's perfume for the spirit, To share it makes you Whole.
Author Unknown
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

Grandma Faith's blog has some real beauties including this item which I'm sure you will enjoy, so have a looksee.... . http://www.members.shaw.ca/grandmafaith2/explanation-of-god.html




Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.
P.S. Well that's my Birthday over for another year - it was a quiet but happy one and now I look forward to being 'another' year older and maybe a bit wiser (with any luck)...
Cheers Peers xxx.

Funnies / OOpss.../ Retired Folk Fun / Funny Video...


Thank goodness they can still maintain their sense of humour over there !




Hi Folks,

This one is what we would call a 'stoater' of a joke ! Enjoy !

Joe went to the Doctor complaining of constant headaches ......... The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press onyour spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Joe was shocked and depressed.. He wondered if he had anything to live for.He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'' Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.' The salesman said, 'Let's see..... size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.' The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - £250
New shirt - £36
New underwear - £6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS !!!
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
This next item is especially for lom - I know you're not retiral age yet missus but after my comment about you taking the opportunity to relax in your blog yesterday I received this in the email post from my brother-in-law in Dumfries. Enjoy !

What do Retired Folk do all day ? ......... Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting? Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ####-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We went into town by bus. We always try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age you know to keep exercising our funny bones and our laughter muscles ahem .... ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

This last item is another one of Grandma Faith's funnies - It cracked me up completely and I thought it was the funniest thing I had seen or heard in ages, when I grow up I want to be just like Gladys on the phone to Ellen Degeneres .... she's hilarious ! Have a look at the video ..... http://www.members.shaw.ca/gf1/ellen-and-gladys.html




Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.

Caring parents / Poor Donkey / A New Start at the Zoo /

It's so wonderful to see how all animals care so gently for their young ......







Huh ??

Hi Folks,


One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1 - Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2 - Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3 - Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4 - Give more.
5 - Expect less

NOW ............
Enough of that rubbish . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

and THE MORAL OF TODAY'S LESSON ?
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you !
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
A New Start at the Zoo ......... The new worker starts his job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and biteshim. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimphouse, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to doand throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.

He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?" The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees "
We try to teach our children To be honest and polite
We like to see them growing up Doing what is right
But better than our good advice Is a way they won't forget
And that's to let our children learn From the example that we set ...

Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.

B.I.T.C.H./The Big Rocks / A Fun Video / The Dash ...

Hi Folks,

B = Babe
I = In
T = Total
C = Control
H = of Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything.




Someone is bitchy enough to say it like it REALLY is!

BITCHOLOGY When I stand up for Myself and my beliefs, They call me a Bitch. When I stand up for Those I love, They call me a Bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts Or do things my own way, they call me a Bitch. Being a bitch Means I won't Compromise what's In my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to Tolerate injustice and Speak against it, I am Defined as a Bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for Myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

If you can't do anything right - get a woman to do it !
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The Big Rocks ......... One day, an expert was speaking to a group of business students. To drive home a point, he used an illustration those students will never forget. As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Next he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top, and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class said, "Yes." He replied, "Really?" and reached under the table to pull out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was onto him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good," he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in, and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?" "No," the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good." Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. He looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it." "No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is, if you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all." What are the "big rocks" in your life? A project that YOU want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. Tonight or in the morning when you are reflecting on this story, ask yourself this question: what are the "big rocks" in my life or business? Then put those in your jar first.

Some of you may have already had a look at this video but I have just come across it - I thought it hilarious so have added it today - enjoy !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0hAUN4bYVk

I'm ending this post with a poem about the 'Dash in your Life' The dash denotes the time between the birth of your life and the date of your death ...... I was sent it some time ago and then again recently - I thought it was worth another airing ......

When your eulogy's being read with your life's actions to rehash... would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash ??
The Dash Movie




Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.

Ineffable


[mine]


Three more days of work, then three days of vacation, then a return to writing and reading as I please, if however temporarily. Hope spring is as beautiful for you as it is for me right now!

Ineffable


[mine]


Three more days of work, then three days of vacation, then a return to writing and reading as I please, if however temporarily. Hope spring is as beautiful for you as it is for me right now!

Meanwhile...Down on the Farm...

I attended the Mud Hens Home Opener last night, a 2-1 loss to Columbus, AAA of the Indians. The Hens are 6-2 so far, mostly due to pitching. They have a team ERA of 2.48 so far, but are only hitting .247 as a group.

Wilkin Ramirez singled home Brent Clevlen to score the only run despite the Hens having 10 hits. Starter Ron Chiavacci (who?) only allowed one earned run in 5 2/3 innings. Ryan Raburn already has 3 homers in the first 8 games.

If you've never attended a Hens game, they are known for having one of the best ballparks in AAA baseball. It really is nice, not having a bad seat in the stadium. However, last night, they set an attendence record of 13,100 people. And it was annoying. You couldn't move in the place...shoulder to shoulder people. Food, beer, and bathroom lines were unbelievable. Drunks were all over the place outside the stadium cussing up a storm in front of little kids. Another lovely night in Toledo, Ohio.

Brightest spot for me as a Tigers fan, though, was seeing an interview with Raburn before the game. The guy interviewing him started with a prickish question dealing with the "surprise" of Ryan being a Mud Hen again instead of Detroit. But Raburn answered that and all questions with a smile and really acted like a nice guy that liked playing for the Hens. He said he's willing to do whatever the organization asks of him and came off as a real class act.

Forever

Forever

A Funny / Giving Blood / A Very Special Boy / A Singing Angel ...



Hi Folks,

Grandma's Boyfriend ......... A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroomand watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, shestarted hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the doorand there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she 's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.' The minister fainted..

Giving Blood ......... Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save Liz." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
I came across this next one on the 'net and as usual it appealed to my soppy taste - I know it's a bit long but it's worth it !

A Very Special Boy ......... He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in Morris, Minn. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, but had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful. Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving. "Thank you for correcting me, Sister!" I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice-teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and said, "If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!" It wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking again." I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it. I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened my drawer and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it!! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."
At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior-high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the "new math," he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in third. One Friday, things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frowning, frustrated with themselves, and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend." That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling "Really?" I heard whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much." No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. the students were happy with themselves and one another again. That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual questions about the trip-the weather, my experiences in general. There was a lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Eklunds called last night," he began. "Really?" I said "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is." Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend."
To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark. I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, So mature. All I could think at that moment was, Mark I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me. The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists." That's when I finally sat down and cried. I cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

Written by: Sister Helen P. Mrosla......
The purpose of this letter is to encourage everyone to compliment the people you love and care about. We often tend to forget the importance of showing our affections and love. Sometimes the smallest of things, could mean the most to another. I am asking you to please send this letter around and spread the message and encouragement, to express your caring by complimenting and being open with communication.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I'm ending this blog with a You Tube video which shows a middle-aged Scotswoman called 'Susan Boyle' - she auditioned for a television programme called Britain's Got Talent when they came to Scotland recently. There's perhaps nothing very beautiful about her looks and the audience maybe even the judges didn't think much of her, it didn't help either that her nerves were showing while she was being asked a few questions beforehand...
But when she opened her mouth to sing - the whole audience in the hall (and to be truthful) the whole of Scotland and a great part of England took her to their hearts and listened - the reason ? she really has the voice of an Angel ! You will note too that several sites have included her in their lists, the number of views on this video when I copied it showed a total of 11,700,412 yeah ! that's nearly eleven and three quarter million - Scotland only has approximately six million citizens, so, if you have a spare few minutes have a listen and see what you think...... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z0h1NNk1Ik
Just another example of why it's a good idea not to take people on face value and make wrong assumptions wouldn't you say ......



Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.