Urban Dictionary Thinks I'm an Alien Clown. Also? A Blow Job

When you find yourself in the midst of an existential crisis, it is often helpful to consult the internet.  The internet is just full of useful ways to find out who you are.

For example, I can go to Urban Dictionary and type in "Allie" and it will tell me all about myself and what exactly I mean to the world:



Confusing? Yes.  True?  Probably.  But maybe I'll look a little further for clarification...


Nope.

Maybe if I try my last name...



That is informative but completely unhelpful.  I shall keep looking.



Really, internet?  Really?

There has got to be a better definition...


I'll take it!

UPDATE:  I Googled "Allie looks like" and this is a sampling of what came up:











 Fuck you, Internet.  What does "Allie is like the John Galt of professional sex" even mean?