Sage Sayings / Silly Sermons / Parliamo Glesca / Funny Video.

A reason to stay focussed ......

Hi Folks,

I found these sage sayings from 'Joke of the Day' site ...

1) I find this quotation to be so true in our day and time:

“Happiness is like a cat. If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you. It will never come.
But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing up against your legs and jumping into your lap.”

2) This is one line that was said to me by my mother and it keeps ringing: "You are free to do whatever you choose but don’t do anything you will regret! Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

3) Don't leave this world with your dream still inside you.

4) Life is short; eat dessert first.
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Silly Sermons ...

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars:
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead?
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -
What can you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service.

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Who Knew ?

The word 'tweed' came about by accident when a London merchant misread a label saying tweel, the Scottish for twill, a type of weave.

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Parliamo Glesca (Glasgow)...

I'm finishing this post with a few Scottish isms... Have a decco and see if you can guess the meanings of them without looking at the answers...
  • "Back" - when someone says they will see you "at the back of five" they mean roughly 5.15. There is no equivalent "front of five" for 4.45!
  • "Ball's up on the slates" - plans have come apart.
  • "Bite someone's ear" - long before Mike Tyson, this phrase was used to describe speaking nicely to someone to gain a favour.
  • "Blue nose" - not someone who is feeling the cold but a supporter of Rangers football club (whose main team colour is blue).
  • "Body swerve" - means to dodge or avoid something as in "The wife wanted me to go to see her mother but I managed to give it a body swerve".
  • "Bubble" - means to weep, as in "What are you bubbling for?" Sometimes used to describe someone who is sulking as in "Stick, bubbly!"
  • "Bucket" - a good quantity of alcohol, as in "Her husband takes a right bucket!"
  • "Check" - to look, often with astonishment, as in "Check the new jacket!"
  • "Chin" - used as a verb, it can mean to go to someone to complain (perhaps sticking your chin out in the process).
  • "Click" - establish a relationship with the opposite sex, as in "Jimmy was the only one with a click after the jigging" ("jiggin" is dancing).
  • "Close" - not the verb to shut but the open entrance-way and common stair to a block of flats (tenements in Glasgow). In Edinburgh, it is applied to a narrow lane or passage from the main street. The word can also be applied to weather which is warm and muggy.

Have you ever seen a snake being annoyed, chased and nipped by a wee rabbit ??

Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.