Funnies / Goodbyes / Funny Video ...

Proof that apes are intelligent creatures ...... Well, as intelligent as women anyway - because what woman would just let her hair get wet when there was a handy umbrella or even a stone or piece of wood handy to protect her hairstyle...



Hi Folks,


THIS FIRST JOKE IS MY FRIEND'S IDEA OF 'FUNNY' ......

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat
a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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Women will never be equal to men . Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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Yeah right ...... Now let's try a funny one !

An attorney arrived home late ...... after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it and on, and on, and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. So Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

To which he whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?' - OOOps !

This next one is an oldie but quite entertaining I think - have a look !

An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting but sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing...

OK Folks, I'm changing gears slightly and am signing off for a week - Tomorrow Rob and I are going down amongst the 'Auld Enemy' in England . We're off to the sunnier climes of Blackpool for a holiday and I must admit to looking forward to views and the smell of the sea. I'm yearning too for a walk along the prom munching into a pokey hat and doing some people watching . Did I hear someone saying what in the world is a pokey hat ? surely not ! Alright, I'll send you a photo when I return.



Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.