Instruments of Torture / Blethers and funnies ...

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What can I say about these ?? arrrrrggghhh !

Hi Folks,

I am interested in how language is formed and how some terms get into our normal everyday speech and the other day through the 'net I received an explanation from Gary Martin at 'Phrase a Week' about the term 'out of sorts' have a look.

Out of sorts
...... Mildly unwell; not in one's usual health or state of mind. Since at least the 17th century 'sorts' has been the name of the letters used by typographers. This usage is referred to in Notes on a Century of Typography at the University Press Oxford 1693–1794 and is nicely defined in Joseph Moxon's Mechanick Exercises, or the Doctrine of Handy-works - Printing, 1683:

"The Letters... in every Box of the Case are... called Sorts in Printers and Founders Language; Thus a is a Sort, b is a Sort."

For sets of type blocks to be 'out of sorts' would clearly be unwelcome to a typesetter. That terminology could be the source of the phrase and the notion is certainly a tempting one. We need to be cautious with that attribution however as the above citation is pre-dated by one from The proverbs, epigrams, and miscellanies of John Heywood, 1562, which makes no explicit mention of typesetting:

Fit (adj): disordered, out of sorts

That unusual definition of 'fit' is, oddly, almost the opposite of our current usage of the word as an adjective.

It may well turn out that pre-1562 citations that refer to typesetting will be found; after all, Gutenberg invented the printing press in around 1440. Until then, I'm sure that many people will opt to believe that 'out of sorts' derives from typesetting. All I can do is present you with the evidence as I find it and let you come to your own conclusions.

Here endeth the lesson hehehe.. well, they do say you're always learning ! So the next time Mrs. Whatsit down the road is talking about being 'out of sorts' because of her back/head or feet you'll know where the phrase comes from.

However let's change the subject to something more cheerful ! I got another couple of good funnies from my BIL in Dumfries the other day - enjoy !

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

This is a typical Scottish joke and as usual against 'the auld enemy' (the English) .. Let me explain, it's not that we hate the English, we just enjoy making fun of folk. (including ourselves).

The scene is, Bishopbriggs, Primary School,Glasgow !

Teacher: 'Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.
The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.'
Wee Murray thinks, 'Ya beauty! I'm pure dead brilliant at general knowledge, so I am. This is goanie be a doddle!'
Teacher: ' Right class, who can tell me who said. 'Don't ask what
our country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'
Wee Murray shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.
Teacher looking round picks Farquhar Fauntleroy at the front.
'Yes: Farquhar!' Farquhar (in a very English accent): 'Yes miss the answer is JF Kennedy - Inauguration speech 1960.'
Teacher: 'Very good Farquhar. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will see you back in class on Tuesday.'
The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Murray is even more determined.
Teacher: 'Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?' Wee Murray 's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting 'I know, I know Miss. Pick me Miss, pick me Miss'.
Teacher looking round and picks, Tarquin Smyth, sitting at the front: 'Yes Tarquin.'
Tarquin (in a very, very posh English accent): 'Yes Miss, the answer is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.'
Teacher: 'Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class on Tuesday.'
The following Thursday comes around and Wee Murray is hyper; he's been studying encyclopedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
He's coiled in his chair, dribbling in anticipation.
Teacher: 'Who said, 'One small step; for man, one giant leap; for mankind’?
Wee Murray 's arm shoots straight into the air. He's standing on his seat, jumping up and down screaming 'Pick me miss. Pick me miss. I know, I know. Me; Miss…Me Miss...Meeeeee!'
Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front.
'Yes, Rupert?' Rupert (in a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy, English accent):
'Miss; that was Neil Armstrong, 1969, the first Moon Landing.'
Teacher: 'Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into class on Tuesday.'
Wee Murray loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his chair at the wall. He starts screaming: 'WHERE THE FLIPPEN HELL DID ALL THESE ENGLISH B*GGERS COME FROM?'
Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: 'Who said that?'
Wee Murray grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door; 'Robert the Bruce; Bannockburn , 1314. See ye on Tuesday Miss!'

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked..
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs.


I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker..


These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says,

'
For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.


Always Remember This:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!




Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.