An Embarrassing Incident / Funnies / / Save1Person.org...



Hi There......


For anyone who didn't see the episode of David Letterman's Show where this story was told read this - and remember it's a true story ......


On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. 'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat' she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was very tall and had an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two are going to rob me.' Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. 'My God' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore. Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.' Instinct told her to do what they told her.. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. 'Take my money and spare me', she prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely,

'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button.' The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.

The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friend here to hit the floor,' said the average sized one, I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.' He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself.' She was too humiliated to speak.. The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might
not make it down the corridor.

At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband. The next morning flowers were delivered to her room; a dozen roses. Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred-dollar bill. The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.

It was signed: Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan.


A guy walks into a bar ...
notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?' 'Well......you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.'

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?' 'You must pay first...... Those are the rules,' says the bartender. So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. 'Okay,' the bartender says, 'Here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who has never had sex.... You have to take care of that problem!'

The man is stunned.'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things...' 'Your call,' says the bartender..... but your money stays where it is
As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?'

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks... he did it in fifty-eight seconds! next he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling , biting, and screaming sounds...then nothing but silence! Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding all over his body.

He says, 'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?'**

The moral to the story: Listen carefully to the directions, and don' trust your judgment when alcohol is involved!*

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This morning on the Freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman In a brand new Holden Calais Doing 110 kms per hour with her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner. I looked away For a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the meat pie out of my other hand. In all The confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my Mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed,and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Darn women drivers!!
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I also received the undernoted today in an email and I am posting it here not to preach or aught but to ask that people thing about the idea of making a transplant donation - there are so many folk waiting for organs and a lot of the time donating doesn't cause too much discomfort or undue problems. Especially when the results are so spectacular in the majority of cases.

Welcome to Save1Person.org

How about this organisation ?? It sounds a fantastic opportunity for someone - anyone to have a look and think about offering a spare part to save someone's life. There is nothing I've ever done which gave me more pride and pleasure than when I was able to offer my bone marrow for my 'wee sister' and if it were possible I would do it again for anyone else ...... Unfortunately now I'm too ancient and the powers that be won't accept my old spare parts.



This video is maybe not very politically correct - but it 'is' funny !



Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love Kate xxx.