Pizza?/Beach Bum/ Mermaid-Whale?/Queensland Jackeroo.

Hi there folks - want to order a Pizza in 2015 ??

This is very funny but the scary part about it is that it's probably not too far away from being reality. Click the link and see! Turn up the volume, listen closely and watch the pointer!
http://aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

A Beach Bum of sorts ......

A couple lived near the ocean ...... and they used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so. Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. 'Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly.
'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. 'Well, what is it then? What does she do ?' his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.' 'Batteries?' cried the wife. 'Yes!' he replied...... 'You're really gonna dislike me for this - but it will make your day!!!'

"She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!"


Recently in a large French city...... a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said: THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE? A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern: Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant andhave adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have nopredators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired byalmost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining upoutside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to getclose to a girl who smells like a fish store? The choice is perfectly clear to me;
I want to be a whale !

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no moreroom it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy,we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Sooo, beginning today ! When I look at my butt in the mirror I will say to myself - just look how smart I am ......


I thought this would give you a good laugh ......... A Queensland jackeroo is overseeing his herd in remote territory when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?' The jackaroo looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing mob and calmly answers, 'Sure, why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connectsit to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on theInternet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to animage processing facility in Hamburg, Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the imagehas been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.''That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says the Cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?' The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'' 'You work for the Australian Government', says the Jackaroo.'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?' 'No guessing required.' answered the jackaroo. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used all kinds of expensive equipment that clearly somebody else paid for, you tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows .. this is a mob of sheep. Now give me back my dog.'
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Cheers from the land of the Tartan and Heather, Love Kate xxx.