Retarded Grandparents / Happy Times / Mail Warning ...

Two Escapees from the Home for Retarded Grandparents ......

Hi Folks,


I had missed opening my googlemail for a while and the other night I checked it out and found this wee gem had escaped my notice . I think it's truly priceless ! It's called ' Retarded Grandparents ' ...
(It was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida .. "Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. "They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but all they do is jump up and down in it with hats on.

"At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. "Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. and, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

"My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren." Awww... God love this child . Thanks Judy for sending it and giving me the opportunity to pass it round the ether here .

I received this next one from my BIL in Dumfries and I think it is wonderful ... See what you think ! Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot, before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot. There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me, For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn. We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn, we spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn. We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince, and Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since. We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee' And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney. And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me. We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice, And when they made a movie, they never made it twice. We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three, Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me. Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp, And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp. We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T, And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go, At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe. For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be, And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me. We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead, And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson , and Zeppelins were not Led. And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me. We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars, And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars. And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free, And dorms were never co-ed in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag, And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag. And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea, And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me. Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks, And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks. And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee, And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me. We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,

We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctionsin the Land That Made Me, Me. There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill, And fish were not called Wanda , and cats were not called Bill. And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three, and ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me. But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say, And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A. They send us invitations to join AARP, We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me.

So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans, and wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines. We tell our children's children of the way it used to be, long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me. AND NOW: For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents! THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES !!!

Here is something everyone should read and take the advice .... If you don't, you're hurting yourself and your email buddies.By now, I suspect everyone is familiar with www.snopes.com and/or http://www.truthorfiction.com/
for determining whether information received via email is just that: true/false or fact/fiction. Both are excellent sites. Advice from Snopes.com Very important!

1) Any time you see an E-Mail or the same thing mentioned within attachments (like powerpoint presentations with lots of flowers and sceneries and supposed uplifting messages),that says forward this on to '10' (or however many) of your friends, sign this petition, or you'll get bad luck, good luck, you'll see something funny on your screen after yousend it, or whatever, it almost always has an E-Mail tracker program attached that tracks the cookies and E-Mails of those folks you forward to. The host sender is getting a copy each time it gets forwarded and then is able to get lists of 'active' E-Mail addresses to use in SPAM E-Mails, or sell to other spammers. Even when you get emails that demand you send the email on if you're not ashamed of God/Jesus.....that's E-mail tracking and they're playing on our conscience. These people don't care how they get your email addresses - just as long as they get them. Also, emails that talk about a missing child or a child with an incurable disease - "how would you feel if that was your child"....E- mail Tracking!!!Ignore them and don't participate!

2) Almost all E-Mails that ask you to add your name and forward on toothers are similar to that mass letter years ago that asked people to send business cards to the little kid in Florida who wanted to break the Guinness Book of Records for the most cards. All it was, and all any of this type of E-Mail is, is a way to get names and 'cookie' tracking information for telemarketers and spammers - - to validate active E-Mail accounts for their own profitable purposes. You can do your friends and family members a GREAT favour by sending this information to them; you will be providing a service to your friends, and will be rewarded by not getting thousands of spam E-Mails in the future!

If you have been sending out (FORWARDING) the above kinds of E-Mail, now you know why you get so much SPAM!Do yourself a favor and STOP adding your name(s) to those types oflistings regardless how inviting they might sound!...or make you feel guilty if you don't!... it' s all about getting email addresses - nothing more! You may think you are supporting a GREAT cause, but you are NOT! Instead, you will be getting tons of junk mail later and very possibly a virus attached! Plus, you are helping the spammers get rich!

Let's not make it easy for them! Also: E-Mail petitions are NOT acceptable to White House, Congress or any other organization - i.e. social security, etc. To be acceptable, petitions must have a signed signature and full address of the person signing the petition, so this is a waste of time and you're just helping the Email trackers.



Cheers from the land of the Heather, Love Kate xxx.