FUNNIES - Man and his Ostrich / Secrets / Little Tommy...

I'll have the same as him ......

Hi Folks,

A man and his Ostrich ......

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a Coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a Coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.'Same,' says the Ostrich . Shortly, the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?' 'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there .' That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man. The waitress asks,

'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

A Confession ......

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says
“Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession…….. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.”
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says,
“My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit ?”
She said
“No I don't think you understand - my name was Brian and I played rugby for New Zealand ........”

Little Tommy at the nude beach ......

A mother and father took little Tommy to a nude beach. As he walked along the sand, he noticed that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why! 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' she tells him! Pleased with the answer he went off to play in the ocean but returned to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is' she tells him...

Pleased with her answer, Tommy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, Tommy promptly returned to his mother and said 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

Cheers from the land of the Tartan and Heather, Love Kate xxx.