Three Male Stages / Crusty Old Biker/Skinny Dipping/I hate my job/Twinkies/A Prayer...

The three stages of the male ......
Single ......
Married ......
Divorced ......
. . . ... .
Hi Again Folks,

Well after my last blog being a serious one I decided to sing from a different hymn sheet and do a 'funny' one today . Mainly because I thought these funnies were hilarious and just couldn't 'not' pass them on to you .........

The first funnie was received from my young, funny, generous and very witty daughter-in-law, whose sense of humour seems to be getting more like mine every week - she's learning ! Though I have heard that you get like the folk you associate with, so you lot had better watch out ! Have a decco and a laugh 'cos these things are getting rarer you know, what with the credit crunch and all ... This first one had me coughing and spluttering over my morning cuppa - Enjoy !

A Crusty Old Biker ......... Out on a long summer ride in the country pulled up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parked his bike and walked inside. As he passed through the swingin' doors, he saw a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAND JOB: $50.00 ............ Huh ???
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walked up to the bar and beckoned to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers. She glided down behind the bar to the ole biker. 'Yes?' she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, 'may I help you?'

The ole biker leaned over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispered , "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes", "Yes, I sure am"......

The old bloke leaned closer to her and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, go and wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
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Skinny Dipping ......... An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some oldies can sure think fast and can teach us a thing or two ! !
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When you have an 'I Hate My Job Day'. Just try this out ........ On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and is then sanitized '

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,

"'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'"

So remember - There is always someone else with a job that is more of a pain in the ass than yours !
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This next one is 'a soppy hankie' one which of course I 'had' to add as I just loved it - Enjoy !

'Twinkies & Root Beer'
Just click on the word Twinkies.
>> Twinkies <<

Awwwwww ...... This is so very, very true...
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A Menopausal Prayer ...
Now I lay me Down to sleep, I pray the Lord My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles Please no bags, And please lift my butt Before it sags.
Please no age spots Please no grey, And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord - For all that you've done. AMEN ......

Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.