Catfight: Inge vs. A-Rod

My newest attempt at dumb humor is a ripoff of Nick Bakay's old "Tale of the Tape" thing he did on ESPN. Give me a break, I got sick of recaps after a week. I'll compare two people, places, or things in 12 important catagories and see who comes out on top. Today's matchup is DNR favorite Brandon Inge against Alex may have heard of him.

1. Owner
Inge: Pizza Empire
A-Rod: Evil Empire
Advantage: A-Rod. Good will never triumph over evil because good is dumb.

2. Goes 0-4
Inge: Tigers fans cheer him
A-Rod: Yanks fans invent new curse words for him
Advantage: Inge

3. Goes 4-4
Inge: Tigers fans cheer him
A-Rod: Yanks fans yell "You're still no Jeter, you (bleep)!"
Advantage: Inge

4. Uniform
Inge: The D
A-Rod: Pinstripes
Advantage: Push. I'm not getting into that battle.

5. Average Groupie
Inge: 13 year olds
A-Rod: Madonna
Advantage: A-Rod. Unless you're on "To Catch a Predator".

6. Currently
Inge: Playing like A-Rod
A-Rod: DL
Advantage: Inge

7. Roids
A-Rod: Used from '01-'03
Inge: Should have used from '01-'03
Advantage: Push. There are no winners here.

8. Plays next to:
A-Rod: God of New York
Inge: A cripple
Advantage: A-Rod

9. Looks
A-Rod: In the mirror kissing himself
Inge: Like he's 15
Advantage: Inge

10. Salary
A-Rod: $28 million and possibly underpaid if healthy
Inge: $6.3 million and overpaid for hitting .220 every year
Advantage: A-Rod

11. Commercials
A-Rod: Guitar Hero: World Tour
Inge: Watches them on TV
Advantage: A-Rod

12. 2003
A-Rod: MVP
Inge: 43-119
Advantage: A-Rod

So, by the slimmest of margins, A-Rod wins. But Brandon put up a better fight than you'd think he would. Kind of like he's done in 2009 so far. Keep up the good work, kid.