Wild Night/Wanda's Dishwasher/Senility Prayer / Funnies...

Hi Folks,

A Wild Night At My House ......
Another year has passed and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter and winter seems much colder.
I rack my brain for happy thoughts to put down on my pad,
but lots of things, that come to mind just make me kind of sad.
There was a time not long ago when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand about 'Living in the Past'
We used to go to friends homes, baseball games and lunches,
Now we go to therapy, to hospitals and after- funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers, from parties that were gay.
Now we ask for doggie nags. Come home and take a pill.
We used to travel often to places near and far.
Now we get backaches from riding in the car.
We used to go out shopping for new clothing at the Mall.
But, now we never bother ... All the sizes are too small.
That, my friend is how life is, and now my tale is told ...
So, enjoy each day and live it up. Before you're too damn old !

Wanda's Dishwasher ... just quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.'
'But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
" Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird ! "
To which the parrot replied,
"Get him Spike" .........
"See !!! Men just don't listen " ......

Serenity / Senility ......... Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Another old lady said I can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. I've lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, ' For fast relief.'

The Senility Prayer ......
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Oh - and Always remember ......
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing ......

and a last wee funny ...
Did you hear what happened to Angus Broon from Glasgow?

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming 'Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button thats come off of me fly I canny button me pants.' 'Oh Angus...I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it' . About 5 minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackening eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.

The little lady looks at him and says 'My God, what in Hells name happened to you? Did you ask her like I told you?' 'Aye' says Angus.. 'I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did, everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread..... Mr. MacDonald walked in!

Cheers from the land of the Tartan, Love, Kate xxx.