Ad in the Paper / Bus 54 / 2 Diff'rent Docs Offices / Maxine !!!



Hi Folks,


***Ad In The Paper *** This is a story about an old lady whose husband died and she wanted to put an ad in the paper about his funeral ... The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. A woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?" "$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response. "Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?""Yes, Ma'am.""OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'""I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum.""Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?" "Yes, Ma'am." "OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "

**BUS 54 A funny story about a blonde ** A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions."Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

** Single vs Engaged vs Married ! ** Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?"

** Two Different Doctor's Offices ***Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does! Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has
a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then
waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another
week.
And finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.Next time take me to a vet!

Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love, Kate xxx.