A few funnies and 'My new spare part '...


Hi Folks,

A Londoner parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.
More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and called the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man started screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll never be the same again!' After the man finally finished his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.
'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.' 'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobbed the Porsche owner. The policeman replied, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'
The Londoner looks down in horror.
'FLAMING HELL!' he screamed ........ 'Where's my Rolex????...'
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MONASTERY MISTAKE .....
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A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.The head monk,says,'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' He goe s down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old Abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wai ling. 'We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !' Hi s forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is sobbing uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?' With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was... 'CELEBRATE!!!'
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Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these....
Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.
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P.S.
The spare part that I was awaiting (the new router) was delivered this morning - the only thing is that not being mechanically minded, if truth be told I am such a stranger I'm not even a pen pal of technology ! I am therefore very wary of trying to load it on to my system - yeah, I'm a right coward, I know, but inanimate objects have a habit of going wonky when I'm using them - well they do ! If I am in any way involved in trying to make them operate they get temperamental and crash... I might just leave the big 'load and switch on' until there is someone else with me who has a logical and mechanical mind - like my daughter in law Debz. She is 21st century girl who is fearless with problems like that. She approaches problems like that - philosophically, as far as she is concerned if she can't fix it she will just send it back, whereas I will sit and worry in case I do or have done something to cause the ruddy thing not to operate !!!
Way hayyyyy ! It's now fitted - no problemo signore !!! So we are now 'Cooking on Gas' as we say...

Love Kate x.