Grammar / Friendship Stories / Some Jokes..

Hi Folks,

Do you remember at school in the English lessons having to write out sentences using unusual words ? You had to use the correct vowels, verbs and adjectives and make sure that your grammar was correct. Well, when I read this sentence recently for some reason it stuck in my head.
"The Committee can't be seen as a 'self-homologating oligarchy" !
I had no idea what it meant and looked it up to find that it was -
"A self-approved government by a few ".
So there ya go - Blimey, yer always learning huh?
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The next few items were found in my Friendship book - enjoy !

Dorothy Welsh, from Glasgow, enjoyed watching ***Blue Peter's 50 th Birthday programme last week. The celebrations took her back to the mid-1980's when the programme ran a competition to design new ornamental stones, with a modern theme, for York Minster.
Dorothy's daughter, Rebecca a quiet six-year old, put pen to paper and proudly came up with her entry - a spaceman, with a loopy smile, on the Moon, surrounded by squinty stars. She triumphantly presented it to her Mum on a grubby sheet of old typing paper, covered with print on one side and with a trademark tea stain on the front.
Mum made flattering comments but then started insisting she draw it again on a clean piece of paper. But Rebecca refused and eventually Mum let her post it as it was. Some weeks later a letter arrived, telling Rebecca her design had come first equal out of 32,373 entries. What's more, the judges had just loved the little spaceman's charm, and hadn't been put off by the tea-stained paper!
The prize was trips to London and York and a meeting with the Queen who asked Rebecca what the spaceman was carrying in his box, prompting the reply "his sandwiches". More than 20 years on Rebecca has never forgotten her 'Blue Peter' triumph. Mum and daughter still glow at the thoughts that hundreds of years from now, children will be able to see the design on a stone at York Minster.
Not bad for a creation that began on a frail, tea-stained scrap of paper - and a lesson for parents not to impose their boring notions on children's creativity !
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Everybody should have a childhood, that's what Donna thought. She knew her friend Alec loved reminiscing about the good old days, but a messy family situation left him with no contact from his parents and no souvenirs of his life before 14. Well Donna had loads of family photos and Alec was in quite a few of them. So that's when the idea came.
She called as many schoolmates as she could, then borrowed and copied every photo any of them had featuring Alec. She even visited friends of Alec's parents. Deep in their albums, boxes drawers, etc., she found photos of Alec as a baby and snaps of his parents in younger happier days. Last week at his 45 th birthday. Donna presented Alec with a photo album entitled "This Is Your Childhood."
What did Alec think of it ? Well Donna says she's not sure. Alec claimed he couldn't really see all of the photos. His eyes were a bit blurry !
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Wish I could think 'this' quickly - A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?' He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints! '
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Benefits for those over 50
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't is all true... Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70 or more!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
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Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. She's such a bitch!
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet touch the floor in the morning, the devil says, "Oh Shit, She's Awake!"
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And did you notice that this one is in 'Big Print' for your convenience.
"Never never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night "...

Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather, Love Kate xxx.
*** Blue Peter was a U.K. children's television programme which was normally shown just before Tea-time Monday to Friday and was watched by millions of children and the programme covered all sorts of children's interests.