The state of the economy/An Evening Car Jaunt/Poem

Hi Folks,

After the recent teetering-on-the-edge-of-total-economic-and-financial-meltdown couple of weeks it seems economic systems and their workings have pushed their way into the need-to-know-category. Well, we can now simplify this all by explaining 21 economic models with cows.

It is remarkable how much sense it all makes from this real world perspective!
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SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh#t out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive...
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Beth told me all about a very pleasant trip she had recently. After a long demanding day she and her son took the car into the country to sit quietly and enjoy the evening sunlight. The fields around them were glowing green, or gold, and the gently breeze in the trees played among the summer leaves. Birds flew to and fro across the road, and cows looked up from their grassy chewing as they passed.

On the steep climb into the hills they had to slow to a halt behind a little hedgehog ambling to its burrow under a stone wall. They'd barely speeded up when just around the corner, they were slowing again as a worried black-faced sheep scooted ahead of them looking for a way back into the field she'd escaped from.

Further along the way a group of partridges raced ahead of them, unwilling to leave the road until finally they gave in and piled on to the verge. Beth wasn't worried about the hold-ups. There was no need to rush - just to be there was a joy.

Halfway up the steepest slope they met a car coming down. With no passing places they both pulled aside, wound down their windows and spoke a word or two of polite thanks. Beth said she supposed travelling on a motorway has its purpose - but no pleasure.


Life in the slow lane is so much more fun !
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As you tread life's highway, Face it with a smile,
Do not hesitate to help the lame dog o'er the stile,
To each and every one of us A chance is daily given,
To make this world for someone, A little more like Heaven.
~~~ By Maurice Fleming...




Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather - Love Kate xxx.