Jokes and Funnies...


This is bizarre -- after you find the guy -- it's so obvious. Once you find him - it's
embarrassing and you wonder why you didn't see him immediately?

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger! And, yes, the man is really there !
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Hi Folks,

As my postbag is overflowing with funnies at the moment I have made up this post with a few of them - Enjoy !
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Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacationThey were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs,enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a
'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came
walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said ' Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'
nodding and addressing each of them individually,
then she passed on by. They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and
bought even more outrageous outfits.These were so loud you could hear them before
you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire,
they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde,
wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking
her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said
'Good morning, Father ~ Goodmorning, Father,'
and started to walk away.One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
'Just a minute, young lady.''Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it,
but I have to know, how in the world do you know
we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied,
'Father, it's me,............ Sister Kathleen!'
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A mother and her young son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney . The little boy who had been quietly looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, 'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?'The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.So the boy walked down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, who was busy serving drinks. She smiled and asked, 'Did your mum tell you to ask me?' The boy answered 'Yes, she did'. 'Well then, you go and tell your mum that there are no baby airplanes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time. Have your mum explain that to you.'
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Glasgow Rangers Football Team Manager flew to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Scotland. Two weeks later the 'Gers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me." " Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters and all while you were having such great time. "The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry ! " "Sorry ? " says his mum, "It's your flaming fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
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Some one liners.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for President and over fifty for Miss America?

Cheers from the land of the Tartan and the Heather - Love Kate xxx.
p.s. The man in the picture is approx at the 7 o'clock position in a clock ! Easy !