Funnie and Erma Bombeck message..

Hi Folks,

Questions & Answers from an AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore … under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done, you will have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt. "
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly … wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all these wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eyeglasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh I remember these."
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I got this in an email from my daughter-in-law Debbie this afternoon and decided to pass it on to my Blogfriends, the first Erma Bombeck book I read was over 30 years ago and since then I have tried whenever I could to pick up more of her books . I think her sense of humour is hilarious and she is the only author I can honestly say can have me in whoops of laughter one minute and bucketloads of tears the next . I have been trying to pick up more of her books recently but have been unable to do so, even the Library don't now have any now - in the meantime, have a look at these words of wisdom.

Passing the Purple Hat to You .
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IN honour of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer. IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck (written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
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1) I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of being sure the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
2)I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
3)I would have talked less and listened more.
4)I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
5) I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
6)I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
7) I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
8) I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
9) I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
10)I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
11)I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
12)Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
13) When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later, now go and get washed up for dinner.'
14) There would have been more 'I love you's and more 'I'm sorry's.'
15)But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. look at it and really see it, live it and never give it back.

STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those we love ...

Cheers from the land of the Heather and the Tartan - Love Kate xxx.