A Scapegoat We Can All Hate Together

Good news, everyone! Thanks to a tip from my friend, Keith, I have found someone to blame for the Tigers loss to the Rangers in the ALCS. Someone that we can ALL get behind in our blind hatred.

Much like 99% of things that have gone wrong in my life, I can now easily blame this season's postseason woes on one man...Randy Smith. Yes, THAT Randy Smith. Rat commie bastard...

How so?  Remember 1999's big trade that brought Juan Gonzalez to Detroit? Who could forget? Well, one of the young players Randy Smith dealt to Texas to get his prized slugger JuanGone was Francisco Cordero. In 2006, Cordero was then dealt to Milwaukee with two other players for Carlos Lee and...NELSON CRUZ! The same shaved gorilla man that just slaughtered us in the playoffs!

The Ghost of Randy Smith continues to HAUNT US ALL years later! Someone kill him with fire...

Tip 'o' the cap to the article Keith pointed out to me by Evan Grant.

Game Over. Season Over.

So yeah…it’s over.

You can blame bad weather, if you want. Maybe crap all over the poor umpiring that always seemed to go against the Tigers…there was plenty of that. Perhaps you want to blame the dreaded injury bug. And many will turn their least favorite Tiger into a scapegoat. Go right ahead.

But don’t do it here. Please take that to other blogs.



Quite simply, the Texas Rangers were the better team. Better hitters, better defense, better speed, and much better bullpen. The Tigers showed guts taking this to six games. They’re a tough bunch and no one can dispute that. They gave us quite the show this year. But that doesn’t make this hurt any less.

This is my 26th season watching Tigers baseball. And this one hurts the most. ’87 ended on a downer, but I was just a kid. ’03 was comically bad, but there were no expectations. ’06 was fun and came out of nowhere, so I wasn’t devastated by the World Series outcome. And ’09 was a heartbreaker with Game 163 and all.

But this year? Probably due to my increased activity with this blog, I’ve never been more obsessed with a baseball season. I think “obsessed” is the word I want there. Living and dying with the Tigers score, over-analyzing every move, constantly thinking about the game…I’ve done all that more this year than any other. So yeah, this sucks. It sounds stupid, but I kind of feel like someone close to me died. Maybe I’m just a baby. Bite me.

But the future is bright, my friends. Verlander, Fister, Cabrera, Avila, V-Mart and the rest aren’t going anywhere. Dave Dombrowski will make moves to improve the team. There will be baseball in Detroit in 2012. And we have a lot to be excited about. Most fanbases would kill to be where we are as a franchise right now. And hey, I can finally shave my stupid playoff beard! These damn squirrels will just have to find somewhere else to live.

So, as I sit here typing this up, still sad and pissed at the same time, I feel the need to dish out a couple bits ‘o’ thanks for the ’11 season.

Thank you to Justin Verlander for being a cyborg and becoming the best pitcher in all of baseball. At least during the regular season. Heh…

Thank you to Miguel Cabrera for silencing his critics with another borderline MVP season at the plate. I am honored to have you on my team, Big Mig.

Thanks to Victor Martinez for choosing to come to Detroit and showing us all what a real professional hitter looks like. Boomstick…shop smart. Shop V-Mart.

Thank you to Doug Fister for teaching me to respect The Dougie. And Fisting.

Thanks to David Dombrowski for bringing us Doug Fister.

Thank you to Don Kelly for being such a great comic foil for this blog. As I’ve said before, I have nothing but respect for Donnie as there’s no one in baseball that gives maximum effort on every play like he seems to do. My only problems with Kelly have been in how Jim Leyland uses him. Deep down, I enjoy having Kelly on the team. Don’t tell anyone I said that…

Thanks to Jose Valverde for teaching us all how to laugh, to dance, and how to be perfect in saving games.

Thank you to Brandon Inge for showing more class than he needed to this year, but still did. Of all seasons, the one where Inge pulls a Mendoza and gets DFA’d…I finally became a bit of a fan of his. I’m sure that will quickly change in 2012, but oh well.

There’s not enough thanks in the world for Alex Avila and the amount of pain he went through this year trying to help the team win. Titanium catcher, indeed.

Thanks to my favorite Tiger, Magglio Ordonez, for giving us one more year when it was clear that he was hurting most of the time. It was sad to see it end the way it did.

And thanks to Jim Leyland for making me love him to death, or hate him with the heat of a thousand suns, depending on the day.
Thanks to all of the Detroit Tigers for giving it everything they had this season. I’m proud to be a Tiger fan and am counting the days until Spring Training. And no…I will not be watching the World Series this year. But, go Cards/Brewers.



Oh yeah…

Thanks to each one of you reading this blog. Like me, love me, hate me, whatever. Seriously, I appreciate it.

This little poop joke blog that was started to amuse myself and a few of my friends grew a lot this year. I’m amazed at the amount of reaction DNR has received this season. Whether it’s through my friends at Bless You Boys, mLive, or other Tiger blogs…if it’s through word of mouth from people that somehow stumbled across DNR…or if it’s through the Twitter account I started this year (kicking and screaming)...WHATEVER the reason, I’m happy you all joined me on this goofy ride through the 2011 Detroit Tigers season. It’s truly been a pleasure reading your comments on my stuff, making friends with some of you, and even hearing from some in the Tigers organization. It’s been a blast this year to attempt to entertain you.

And I hope you keep stopping by in the offseason. I know that’s the time when many of you go back to using the internet for its intended purpose…porn. But after you’re done wanking it to the amputee midget fisting pics, stop by and say hi to your old buddy Rogo. It won’t be every day like it has been the past few months, but I plan on updating this site through the offseason 3-4 times a week. After all, there’s ALWAYS something to make fun of when it concerns the Tigers. And I anticipate there were be PLENTY of poor stuff written about the Tigers in the next week or two for me to make dick jokes at. Simonson, I’m looking at you, you twit. Don’t disappoint me.

Again, I thank you and wish you all well this winter. Hold your heads high, Tiger fans. It could be worse.

We could be Indians fans.

/shudders

Take care. I’m gonna go drink until I don’t feel feelings anymore.